2008 ends in a few hours. In a happy way this year.
Doing the same thing this time as last year, dancing by myself to loud dance music at home. But there is a difference, this time there is a waft of mixed cooking smells coming from the kitchen, where Anu conjures up some of his speciality cuisine.
The plan is the same too. Go to the river to see the fireworks. Only it's going to be the two (or more actually) of us this time. And I live a five minute walk from the action now! And it's probably a few notches colder than last year this time around. brrr...
As I realise that it's midnight in iNDIA, I think of friends and how it'd have been had I been partying with them. And of mom and dad, and how it'd be if it was a usual new year at home spent in front of the TV eating loads of lovely food! And I pray everyone is happy and enjoying themselves to the fullest.
It was a mixed kind of year, as most years are. Fun and sorrow, steal and borrow.. loved the travel, loved the love; hated the uncertainty, hated the anger.
Expecting more of the same and lot much more next year. Back to the dancing now. Woo!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Books - Last five months of '08
Rating
A New Earth - 7 / 10
On the Shores of the Mediterranean - 5 / 10
Shanghai Baby - 6 / 10
Suite Francaise - 6 / 10
Absurdistan (Still reading) - 8 / 10
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Assault on my senses
I've had a large mulled wine in the afternoon and four small glasses of red wine after dinner.
I've danced a bit and had a fri**in good time.
I've resisted an urge to buy fries from Burger King even though they are oh-so-yummy at this hour.
I come home and dig into a Ferrero Rocher placed strategically on my shelf. It's the best thing ever. I bite into the chocolate & nut crust and the creamy hazelnut layer hits my tongue oh-so-softly. I graze the whole hazelnut in the middle slightly. It is arousing. The next bite takes in more cream and the whole nut rolls in the mouth. The upper crust gradually melts in the mouth leaving succulent bits of hazelnut floating around on the tip of my tongue. The last bite is orgasmic as it takes in the rest of the crust and the chocolate cream and the final assault leave me licking my fingers and intensely satiated.
Yum.
I've danced a bit and had a fri**in good time.
I've resisted an urge to buy fries from Burger King even though they are oh-so-yummy at this hour.
I come home and dig into a Ferrero Rocher placed strategically on my shelf. It's the best thing ever. I bite into the chocolate & nut crust and the creamy hazelnut layer hits my tongue oh-so-softly. I graze the whole hazelnut in the middle slightly. It is arousing. The next bite takes in more cream and the whole nut rolls in the mouth. The upper crust gradually melts in the mouth leaving succulent bits of hazelnut floating around on the tip of my tongue. The last bite is orgasmic as it takes in the rest of the crust and the chocolate cream and the final assault leave me licking my fingers and intensely satiated.
Yum.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Hoping for a cheer
I wish you were here,
a flower, purple and bright.
I wish I could caress you,
the petals delicate and light.
Dreaming, daring, at times drudging along,
Each night I wish you a happy song.
a flower, purple and bright.
I wish I could caress you,
the petals delicate and light.
Dreaming, daring, at times drudging along,
Each night I wish you a happy song.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
A little self-discovery...
'The way you absorb inputs from the surroundings is probably different from me. I feel I absorb gradually and all the time, perhaps more unconsciously than consciously. There is more of an assault of feelings and information about the people and other things around, on me than on you. That prevents any belief-set being crystallised within me, as the world is so myriad and full of so many waves that following certain streams and rejecting others becomes very difficult for me. That's also probably because I many-a-times 'know' things in the sense that I have already sensed them and do not need to be told explicitly.'
Monday, November 24, 2008
Moti-weight
Motivate
Moti-weight
Mota-paet
And insanity creeps in...
Mota paet
sadak pe late
gaadi aayi
phat gaya paet...
lol
(I chanted this many a times as a kid but stopped when I became fat....)
Moti-weight
Mota-paet
And insanity creeps in...
Mota paet
sadak pe late
gaadi aayi
phat gaya paet...
lol
(I chanted this many a times as a kid but stopped when I became fat....)
Tough keeping motivated!
Discipline. The new keyword in Anu's and my life.
I just keep realising how undisciplined we both are. We both set our hearts on something and then don't do anything to achieve it.
I know there is inherently a problem trying to keep 'achieve'ing and never be satisfied enough. But then like I said, we have our heart set upon it, and so what we want to do is something that gives us happiness. It's just that we can't let ourself get motivated enough to fulfill that desire of ours.
Just watched 'Dasvidaniya'. Nice movie which got me thinking on similar lines. 'Ten things to do before I die'... Its probably not a bad idea to make such a list but then it has to be made as if we ARE going to die in three months; and then keep on doing them and replenishing the list. But we know we won't die, so we won't be motivated enough. Where is the 'danda' that has become the quintessential motivator?
I used to be, and still am, quite jealous of people who get motivated internally and not depend on deadlines, examinations, and submissions to motivate them.
Anyway, I'll try and keep creating a danda of some kind to keep me (us) going.
There is so much to do and I can't wait. But first things first, I am making a list. And boy, am I excited. Grin
I just keep realising how undisciplined we both are. We both set our hearts on something and then don't do anything to achieve it.
I know there is inherently a problem trying to keep 'achieve'ing and never be satisfied enough. But then like I said, we have our heart set upon it, and so what we want to do is something that gives us happiness. It's just that we can't let ourself get motivated enough to fulfill that desire of ours.
Just watched 'Dasvidaniya'. Nice movie which got me thinking on similar lines. 'Ten things to do before I die'... Its probably not a bad idea to make such a list but then it has to be made as if we ARE going to die in three months; and then keep on doing them and replenishing the list. But we know we won't die, so we won't be motivated enough. Where is the 'danda' that has become the quintessential motivator?
I used to be, and still am, quite jealous of people who get motivated internally and not depend on deadlines, examinations, and submissions to motivate them.
Anyway, I'll try and keep creating a danda of some kind to keep me (us) going.
There is so much to do and I can't wait. But first things first, I am making a list. And boy, am I excited. Grin
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dim Lights
She walked in her overcoat,
like a weasel in fox's disguise.
The early Monday evening was quiet,
softly bristling leaves cradling the pale yellow glow.
Memoryless, painless, joyless,
her calm causing her fright.
She wondered if this was the eye of the storm,
when everything had died?
but there was none to speak of,
no storm brewing, not even in the teacup.
Left or right, or straight ahead and dive,
she smiled at her silly choice.
Turning right, she sighed
at the familiarity of the scene,
at the desire to see something exciting.
Her wisdom killed her,
why couldn't she be unaware?
That desires were an illusion,
ends were just pastimes,
in this unreal mirage.
Sitting on the bench,
braving the cold breeze,
She asked herself some questions.
No existential dilemmas but some molly-coddling,
sweet, caring words,
Do you want anything darling?
What did you find out today?
Do you want to play?
She nodded and coo-ed to herself,
And gradually let herself be aware,
to the voices of people around her,
to the bells chiming in the distance.
Slowly she got up, turned back, and walked,
noticing the pink horizon for the first time that night.
like a weasel in fox's disguise.
The early Monday evening was quiet,
softly bristling leaves cradling the pale yellow glow.
Memoryless, painless, joyless,
her calm causing her fright.
She wondered if this was the eye of the storm,
when everything had died?
but there was none to speak of,
no storm brewing, not even in the teacup.
Left or right, or straight ahead and dive,
she smiled at her silly choice.
Turning right, she sighed
at the familiarity of the scene,
at the desire to see something exciting.
Her wisdom killed her,
why couldn't she be unaware?
That desires were an illusion,
ends were just pastimes,
in this unreal mirage.
Sitting on the bench,
braving the cold breeze,
She asked herself some questions.
No existential dilemmas but some molly-coddling,
sweet, caring words,
Do you want anything darling?
What did you find out today?
Do you want to play?
She nodded and coo-ed to herself,
And gradually let herself be aware,
to the voices of people around her,
to the bells chiming in the distance.
Slowly she got up, turned back, and walked,
noticing the pink horizon for the first time that night.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Quick one
Anu arrived today. It would be a nice few hectic days from now on..!
Not that they haven't been till now! In fact I have had no time for my planned reading. The noose is tightening with the HS deadline approaching as well, so I will have to burn some serious midnight oil sometime soon!
Disagreements surfaced straight away today. His choice of telly as opposed to mine. Why did we have to have choices poles apart! lol. Interesting times ahead sorting out the creases we create along the way...
Oops time to run to bed. He's dozing off on the edge and might nosedive straight onto the floor...
Not that they haven't been till now! In fact I have had no time for my planned reading. The noose is tightening with the HS deadline approaching as well, so I will have to burn some serious midnight oil sometime soon!
Disagreements surfaced straight away today. His choice of telly as opposed to mine. Why did we have to have choices poles apart! lol. Interesting times ahead sorting out the creases we create along the way...
Oops time to run to bed. He's dozing off on the edge and might nosedive straight onto the floor...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
100
Almost approaching the last quarter of this year.
Scary, dark, brooding... this quarter has been the saddest time of my life...
lol, I'm kidding. It's been lots of fun!
On the work front, I've started reading up and chosen a certification to give the career a boost.
Personally, have been having a great time with friends. What started brightly with the London Pride in the beginning of July has continued through theatre (Billy Elliot, Dorian Gray), clubbing, eating out, sports and lots of chatting away and laughter. Except for the rare moments of anxiety and sadness, it has been blemishless. Touchwood!
If only I could make this the same for Anu's last 3 months too. I can't believe the kind of pressure he's been working under and seeing so little returns till now. I'm sure things will only look up for us going ahead.
Soooooo looking forward to the Spain trip, fingers crossed, and already really looking forward to India trip too..
So ya lots happening at breakneck speed... soon the countdown to 30 will begin too. Not that that's a very big deal.
Hmm.. just realised this is my 100th post. What a tortoise! M must have written as many in the first four months or so, despite him starting a blog later than I did!
Scary, dark, brooding... this quarter has been the saddest time of my life...
lol, I'm kidding. It's been lots of fun!
On the work front, I've started reading up and chosen a certification to give the career a boost.
Personally, have been having a great time with friends. What started brightly with the London Pride in the beginning of July has continued through theatre (Billy Elliot, Dorian Gray), clubbing, eating out, sports and lots of chatting away and laughter. Except for the rare moments of anxiety and sadness, it has been blemishless. Touchwood!
If only I could make this the same for Anu's last 3 months too. I can't believe the kind of pressure he's been working under and seeing so little returns till now. I'm sure things will only look up for us going ahead.
Soooooo looking forward to the Spain trip, fingers crossed, and already really looking forward to India trip too..
So ya lots happening at breakneck speed... soon the countdown to 30 will begin too. Not that that's a very big deal.
Hmm.. just realised this is my 100th post. What a tortoise! M must have written as many in the first four months or so, despite him starting a blog later than I did!
Monday, September 08, 2008
Bollywood update
So is dope acceptable in film song lyrics now?
Our dear Farhan Akhtar croons in 'Rock On' that he lost 'Mary jane ka ek packet' and there is no hue and cry about bringing dope into mainstream? Or is there?
I remember there was quite a lot of caste hungama over the Aaje Nachle song, with Madhuri losing her jhumka and saying 'bole mochi bhi khud ko sunaar hai'.. which to me at least appeared to be a fuss over nothing.
Is this difference because of failure to understand urban slang by a majority of the population?
Anyway, recently did a statistical survey of the biggest bollywood box office hits of each year across the decades. (yes I tend to do these things especially when I need to study.. a habit acquired in high school)
I think its a good statistic to establish the actors/actresses with the most clout in the minds of the junta. If an actor/actress delivers a few No.1 consistently, then he/she has to be the most successful of that era. No.2s don't matter much in this world. This gets validated when u see that eightees are choc-a-block with Amitabh hits. So as per my survey the most popular actors / actresses of all time are-
1. Amitabh
2. Dilip Kumar
3. Shahrukh Khan
4. Dev Anand
5. Raj Kapoor
Honourable mentions to Manoj Kumar / Rajesh Khanna. Hrithik is slowly climbing up the ladder as well.
The actresses list is def more difficult.
1. Hema Malini
2. Vyjanthimala
3. Nargis
4. Madhuri Dixit
These four are pretty much clear
5. Either Mala Sinha, Meena Kumari, Rekha or Sridevi
Apparently, Amisha Patel has two of the biggest hits of this decade in her kitty (Gadar and Kaho Na Pyar Hai...).. poor babe, why is she such a flop then??
Our dear Farhan Akhtar croons in 'Rock On' that he lost 'Mary jane ka ek packet' and there is no hue and cry about bringing dope into mainstream? Or is there?
I remember there was quite a lot of caste hungama over the Aaje Nachle song, with Madhuri losing her jhumka and saying 'bole mochi bhi khud ko sunaar hai'.. which to me at least appeared to be a fuss over nothing.
Is this difference because of failure to understand urban slang by a majority of the population?
Anyway, recently did a statistical survey of the biggest bollywood box office hits of each year across the decades. (yes I tend to do these things especially when I need to study.. a habit acquired in high school)
I think its a good statistic to establish the actors/actresses with the most clout in the minds of the junta. If an actor/actress delivers a few No.1 consistently, then he/she has to be the most successful of that era. No.2s don't matter much in this world. This gets validated when u see that eightees are choc-a-block with Amitabh hits. So as per my survey the most popular actors / actresses of all time are-
1. Amitabh
2. Dilip Kumar
3. Shahrukh Khan
4. Dev Anand
5. Raj Kapoor
Honourable mentions to Manoj Kumar / Rajesh Khanna. Hrithik is slowly climbing up the ladder as well.
The actresses list is def more difficult.
1. Hema Malini
2. Vyjanthimala
3. Nargis
4. Madhuri Dixit
These four are pretty much clear
5. Either Mala Sinha, Meena Kumari, Rekha or Sridevi
Apparently, Amisha Patel has two of the biggest hits of this decade in her kitty (Gadar and Kaho Na Pyar Hai...).. poor babe, why is she such a flop then??
My Sweet Little Heart
"dil ki yahi khata hai,
dil ko nahi pata hai,
yeh dil chahta hai kya...!"
My poor little sweet heart. What is it that you want? Why are you so influencable?
There is never a direct answer when I ask you anything.
You want everything like a greedy child. You feel competitive, bored, jealous, determined, romantic and cheerful, all in span of five minutes! You exhaust me!
But you're a good one, you keep bringing a smile on my face for silly innocuous things.
You keep changing too. You're not the same like you were ten years ago, but you're not necessarily more complicated.
And you've never been, and are still not, in my control.
Sigh. Smile.
dil ko nahi pata hai,
yeh dil chahta hai kya...!"
My poor little sweet heart. What is it that you want? Why are you so influencable?
There is never a direct answer when I ask you anything.
You want everything like a greedy child. You feel competitive, bored, jealous, determined, romantic and cheerful, all in span of five minutes! You exhaust me!
But you're a good one, you keep bringing a smile on my face for silly innocuous things.
You keep changing too. You're not the same like you were ten years ago, but you're not necessarily more complicated.
And you've never been, and are still not, in my control.
Sigh. Smile.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Despair
Its a maze,
dull and blurry
vision clouded in haze.
The rust, the rut, the ravine,
these gaps are cuts
knived through the heart.
Silent, heavy eyes,
a churning inside,
familiar numbness.
All is but a lack
of innocence,
of courage,
of hope.
All is but a mirage,
Thirsty I'll die one day.
dull and blurry
vision clouded in haze.
The rust, the rut, the ravine,
these gaps are cuts
knived through the heart.
Silent, heavy eyes,
a churning inside,
familiar numbness.
All is but a lack
of innocence,
of courage,
of hope.
All is but a mirage,
Thirsty I'll die one day.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Carnival
A long weekend passed. A relatively low key one but for today, as today was the visit to the grand carnival.
The mood was great, there were so many young people out on the streets enjoying themselves dancing away to great music everywhere. It was fun. However there was a immense dearth of guys, scantilly dressed guys to be precise, in the carnival parade. The women were all there, jumping up and down with their big breasts all over the place. Its a serious menace this with the London girls, they are just too fat, esp the black ones living on a staple diet of Burger King / McD / KFC.
We watched the parade for a while, and had beer and so-called Caribbean food (both ridiculously over-priced). I jumped around for a bit, until this great big realisation dawned on me that we are getting a bit old already for dancing around on samba beats all day, and that too amongst a sea of people (wherever you looked there were just hoards and hoards of people!). Still we stuck around for quite a while until we absorbed the atmosphere completely (my nose is clogged cos of that now) and then dragged our tired asses back to home sweet home.
The mood was great, there were so many young people out on the streets enjoying themselves dancing away to great music everywhere. It was fun. However there was a immense dearth of guys, scantilly dressed guys to be precise, in the carnival parade. The women were all there, jumping up and down with their big breasts all over the place. Its a serious menace this with the London girls, they are just too fat, esp the black ones living on a staple diet of Burger King / McD / KFC.
We watched the parade for a while, and had beer and so-called Caribbean food (both ridiculously over-priced). I jumped around for a bit, until this great big realisation dawned on me that we are getting a bit old already for dancing around on samba beats all day, and that too amongst a sea of people (wherever you looked there were just hoards and hoards of people!). Still we stuck around for quite a while until we absorbed the atmosphere completely (my nose is clogged cos of that now) and then dragged our tired asses back to home sweet home.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
My Friends
Laughed so hard last night that my jaws ached. After a long time.
It was great of Vish and Co to come surprise me at 1AM, literally all 4 of them jumping on my bed, with poor little me already fast asleep and just starting to dream sinister dreams.
I think we were in splits last year Dec at Shiz's place in Bombay, the night I arrived there, with all his jhatka-filled dancing on Aaja Nachle.
Brings back memories when I had been laughing madly with friends. It is really quite rare, so I think I can actually count a few occurances.
With my MBA friends in London last year (2 straight guys and me in a single bed :P) and laughing away basically at one of theirs' weird views on girls and marriage. Some of Anu's comments once in a while (can't pinpoint which was the last one, but he hs great timing sometimes). Manki's one-liners in Bangalore party, something about 'How homosexual!' .. lol.. he has super timing too.
Oh, laughing again just thinking about those things. Thank god for my friends! Love them.
It was great of Vish and Co to come surprise me at 1AM, literally all 4 of them jumping on my bed, with poor little me already fast asleep and just starting to dream sinister dreams.
I think we were in splits last year Dec at Shiz's place in Bombay, the night I arrived there, with all his jhatka-filled dancing on Aaja Nachle.
Brings back memories when I had been laughing madly with friends. It is really quite rare, so I think I can actually count a few occurances.
With my MBA friends in London last year (2 straight guys and me in a single bed :P) and laughing away basically at one of theirs' weird views on girls and marriage. Some of Anu's comments once in a while (can't pinpoint which was the last one, but he hs great timing sometimes). Manki's one-liners in Bangalore party, something about 'How homosexual!' .. lol.. he has super timing too.
Oh, laughing again just thinking about those things. Thank god for my friends! Love them.
The net
If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your blog.
:)
:)
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Truth - the way to go?
Lots going on as usual.
My friends asked me the reason behind the pessimism on the blog. Well I do write more in a pessimistic state of mind, and when I'm happy and excited I just sing and dance and don't write about it.
Had a detailed think-over about 'Truth' the other day.
Is Truth over-rated? As the comic book superhero said on Monday, sometimes people do not need the truth, they need hope.
Does that apply to our loved ones as well then? Is it sometimes better to lie (or hide the truth) rather than causing anguish and disturbance?
It probably boils down to the individual. We cannot change the world, we can just change ourselves. And hope that our actions produce the desired affect on the external world as well.
So if we do decide to take the plunge and bring about the desired change of speaking the truth ourselves, we know it will give us a definite feeling of satisfaction and freedom to breathe easy. But the very next moment, are we ready to face the reaction of the external world to it? The one we cannot control, and hence fear? Most of the times we know that that reaction is something we will not be able to handle. That reaction is going to cause us anguish, will bring us to our knees, will wipe away that momentary feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Mind you, it may or may not happen, but most of us do not dare to take that chance.
So where does this leave the idealist? The Devdas? Who doesn't accept the power of the almighty external world and move on to assimilate in it, who doesn't see the gray and only wants to see the black and white, who doesn't live a lie with fond memories of the truth. It leads him to cynicism or despair or both.
One silver line came about: One must be totally truthful to oneself and comfortable with it, and if that's the case, should not bother if one cannot be totally truthful to others around him. But what if, one is truthful to himself, but doesnt like the truth? It creates a conflict between what he ideally wants to be / want to do and what the actual truth is? Doesn't that cause disillusionment? Ideals don't exist anymore. Anything can happen in this world. There is nothing to trust if one cannot trust oneself.
Trust God? It is tough to have faith in God when you see that even His path is not giving the wisdom and calm to its followers that it should, at least not evidently. Does that not lead your mind astray to the extent that there is nothing in it but confusion, and an acute deadly desire to go numb? Sometimes it feels to makes little sense to look towards the Spiritual path, but I guess there is no other way to go.
My friends asked me the reason behind the pessimism on the blog. Well I do write more in a pessimistic state of mind, and when I'm happy and excited I just sing and dance and don't write about it.
Had a detailed think-over about 'Truth' the other day.
Is Truth over-rated? As the comic book superhero said on Monday, sometimes people do not need the truth, they need hope.
Does that apply to our loved ones as well then? Is it sometimes better to lie (or hide the truth) rather than causing anguish and disturbance?
It probably boils down to the individual. We cannot change the world, we can just change ourselves. And hope that our actions produce the desired affect on the external world as well.
So if we do decide to take the plunge and bring about the desired change of speaking the truth ourselves, we know it will give us a definite feeling of satisfaction and freedom to breathe easy. But the very next moment, are we ready to face the reaction of the external world to it? The one we cannot control, and hence fear? Most of the times we know that that reaction is something we will not be able to handle. That reaction is going to cause us anguish, will bring us to our knees, will wipe away that momentary feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Mind you, it may or may not happen, but most of us do not dare to take that chance.
So where does this leave the idealist? The Devdas? Who doesn't accept the power of the almighty external world and move on to assimilate in it, who doesn't see the gray and only wants to see the black and white, who doesn't live a lie with fond memories of the truth. It leads him to cynicism or despair or both.
One silver line came about: One must be totally truthful to oneself and comfortable with it, and if that's the case, should not bother if one cannot be totally truthful to others around him. But what if, one is truthful to himself, but doesnt like the truth? It creates a conflict between what he ideally wants to be / want to do and what the actual truth is? Doesn't that cause disillusionment? Ideals don't exist anymore. Anything can happen in this world. There is nothing to trust if one cannot trust oneself.
Trust God? It is tough to have faith in God when you see that even His path is not giving the wisdom and calm to its followers that it should, at least not evidently. Does that not lead your mind astray to the extent that there is nothing in it but confusion, and an acute deadly desire to go numb? Sometimes it feels to makes little sense to look towards the Spiritual path, but I guess there is no other way to go.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Party!
Went to G.A.Y after ages yesterday and was reminded how much I love pop. The place is no great shakes but I usually like the crowd, and the music.
Now, off to Brighton for the Buzz.
Not sure if looking forward to it (as usual), its a cold damp morning after all. But a funny clip posted on facebook by S has just got me in the mood to party all day (and night!)
Last year's memories include the bright hot sunny day, the heart in the air made by a flying jet over the sea front, colourful feathered dancers (of course!), the huge bear gathering in the tents in the park (where Anu took his top off.. lol), all the couples dancing in another tent and finally the nudist beach... where we both.. err... took the plunge.
All this is hard to match, except for the feathered dancers who are def gonna be there, unless it pours!
And so here it goes... Party, party, party..tonight.
Now, off to Brighton for the Buzz.
Not sure if looking forward to it (as usual), its a cold damp morning after all. But a funny clip posted on facebook by S has just got me in the mood to party all day (and night!)
Last year's memories include the bright hot sunny day, the heart in the air made by a flying jet over the sea front, colourful feathered dancers (of course!), the huge bear gathering in the tents in the park (where Anu took his top off.. lol), all the couples dancing in another tent and finally the nudist beach... where we both.. err... took the plunge.
All this is hard to match, except for the feathered dancers who are def gonna be there, unless it pours!
And so here it goes... Party, party, party..tonight.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Late-night timepass
Naa kuch kehne ko hai,
Ik thakaan sii.
Raat beeti ja rahi hai, khaali makaan sii.
Mareez baney ja rahe hain gam-e-bewajah,
khudgarzi ne kar dee hai soch hairaan sii.
'kaash...',
sab maslon kee wajah ye lafz hee hai shayad.
'shayad...',
iss lafz ne toh jeena mushkil kar diya hai.
ruk nahi sakte,
dukhte pair chale chalte hain.
manzil jo baithi hai saamne, pukaarti huyi,
qatl kar dee hai uski aarzoo khule-aam sii.
Ik thakaan sii.
Raat beeti ja rahi hai, khaali makaan sii.
Mareez baney ja rahe hain gam-e-bewajah,
khudgarzi ne kar dee hai soch hairaan sii.
'kaash...',
sab maslon kee wajah ye lafz hee hai shayad.
'shayad...',
iss lafz ne toh jeena mushkil kar diya hai.
ruk nahi sakte,
dukhte pair chale chalte hain.
manzil jo baithi hai saamne, pukaarti huyi,
qatl kar dee hai uski aarzoo khule-aam sii.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Unrest to rest
It's amazing how an hour or two of outdoor therapy can relax the mind. Anu and I went to St.Katharine's docks by the Tower Bridge after dinner, and roamed around in the peaceful, serene area for a while. Sat quietly on a bench by the water, with tens of boats silently anchored in the water softly shimmering under lights, its gentle lapping audible and only sporadically interrupted by the sound of laughter or merry conversation somewhere in one of the nearby restaurants.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Purpose
Such mixed, varied state of emotions. I can't understand things any longer. Actually I understand everything and nothing at the same time.
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Simply complicated
Got drunk for the second time in my entire life at Kali this Friday. Last time was 4 years ago in the beginning of second year at mba. Thankfully had friends around this time as well to rescue me. But this is something that I am not going to repeat ever, it isn't half as fun when you get silly on the dance floor and then next morning try hard to remember half the things that happened the previous night. A big complications hazard!
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Monday, June 16, 2008
I am what I am...
Things that made me happy today-
1. The carnations that I brought for Gaura-Nitai and also placed some in my window.
2. Great stir-fry I had for dinner :-)
3. Lunch with Lukes at Little Italy, gossip and heart-2-heart revelations :-)
Things that made me sad-
1. That I was getting angry (and therefore keeping quiet in frustration) on phone with Anu when I shouldn't have. The last thing he needs right now is me making his life difficult.
1. The carnations that I brought for Gaura-Nitai and also placed some in my window.
2. Great stir-fry I had for dinner :-)
3. Lunch with Lukes at Little Italy, gossip and heart-2-heart revelations :-)
Things that made me sad-
1. That I was getting angry (and therefore keeping quiet in frustration) on phone with Anu when I shouldn't have. The last thing he needs right now is me making his life difficult.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Its a fuckin' funny world...
Its a fuckin funny world out there..
Another first happened today. Got invited to a birthday party, and was asked to share the bill! Now that was new, for me.
Anyway, its the people. Funny people. More and more you interact with them, more and more this world appears so fuckin irritating. Irritating world full of irritating people.
Greedy people. Jealous people. Selfish people. Complicated people.
The conversation with Anu in the evening was so wierd, as he was so distracted. I tried to laugh, but then I snapped, as usual. Soon he suggested we talk later in the night, but then neither of us called or messaged each other during the night. I have hundreds of possibilities running in my mind as to why he was distracted, and complicated as he is, he wont tell me straight away. It may be something I said yesterday, the thread of conversation we did not complete, or something he remembered or something at home or getting back to me as I may have been distracted last couple of conversations or my last post maybe... I don't know. And that keeps irritating me further.
I sometimes strongly feel I don't belong in this culture, here. But I feel I belong in no culture. I carry the burden of a lack of strong personality and a lack of self-assured ideas.
People are ready to assault you always. Be it the woman having marital problems and attention seeking disorder making nasty comments at everyone to evoke reaction, or the person in office sending you a rude email when you thought he was a nice gentle sort of a character, to your colleagues who sometimes bring a tinge of racism (or just groupism) even if it isnt so deliberate, or the oh-so-formal or eternally jabbing friends, I am getting a tad sick of everything.
Well, I dont know if I really mean it, but I don't care. Ya, only so much that I am writing about it.
Another first happened today. Got invited to a birthday party, and was asked to share the bill! Now that was new, for me.
Anyway, its the people. Funny people. More and more you interact with them, more and more this world appears so fuckin irritating. Irritating world full of irritating people.
Greedy people. Jealous people. Selfish people. Complicated people.
The conversation with Anu in the evening was so wierd, as he was so distracted. I tried to laugh, but then I snapped, as usual. Soon he suggested we talk later in the night, but then neither of us called or messaged each other during the night. I have hundreds of possibilities running in my mind as to why he was distracted, and complicated as he is, he wont tell me straight away. It may be something I said yesterday, the thread of conversation we did not complete, or something he remembered or something at home or getting back to me as I may have been distracted last couple of conversations or my last post maybe... I don't know. And that keeps irritating me further.
I sometimes strongly feel I don't belong in this culture, here. But I feel I belong in no culture. I carry the burden of a lack of strong personality and a lack of self-assured ideas.
People are ready to assault you always. Be it the woman having marital problems and attention seeking disorder making nasty comments at everyone to evoke reaction, or the person in office sending you a rude email when you thought he was a nice gentle sort of a character, to your colleagues who sometimes bring a tinge of racism (or just groupism) even if it isnt so deliberate, or the oh-so-formal or eternally jabbing friends, I am getting a tad sick of everything.
Well, I dont know if I really mean it, but I don't care. Ya, only so much that I am writing about it.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Networking
Gay Networking, had a first ever experience a few weeks ago when we went to the LGBT movie festival followed by the Interbank drinks event the next week.
It was good to know richer gay people for a change, and encouraging that people were comfortable and open in their workplaces, so much so that they came out to network with other gay men and women.
The thought at the back of my mind was of continous doubt as to the exact intention why people were attending these events in the first place. Especially at the interbank, the attendees were 99% men, which left me wondering whether it was a hunting ground for posh flesh hunters. Some of this doubt was concretized this saturday after our dinner with one of the new contacts I had met there. There was a certain desperation in the manner of this respected gentleman that left a seriously bad taste in the mouth, although I did receive my share of flak for being a "cock-tease" which I have been accused of being many times before by others as well, in subtle hints if not directly. However, there were few people at the event who were there for the purpose of serious social networking with similar people in similar industry, and if individuals do decide that they fancy one another for a steamy session under the covers, that's there own sweet will and no one else's business.
I must say I did meet a few interesting and friendly people on both occasions, and had a good time dining with one of the married couples from the movie nite, later on. Married for ten years, they were the first and only married gay couple in London I know till date.
This, of course, will give me a good platform to build upon, if I indeed decide to stay on in London and look for better and varied career opportunities in Financial services industry. I do have to work a tad harder to get my act together in terms being well verse with all aspects of the domain I am involved with currently.
One crazy thing that dawns upon you is that with such networking events happening, where you are able to identify higher positioned individuals in the industry who may be attracted to you sexually, it may become possible for good looking associates and analysts to sleep their way up the ladder to good positions and good money. And I thought it was only the fashion or media where such a thing was a possibility!
It was good to know richer gay people for a change, and encouraging that people were comfortable and open in their workplaces, so much so that they came out to network with other gay men and women.
The thought at the back of my mind was of continous doubt as to the exact intention why people were attending these events in the first place. Especially at the interbank, the attendees were 99% men, which left me wondering whether it was a hunting ground for posh flesh hunters. Some of this doubt was concretized this saturday after our dinner with one of the new contacts I had met there. There was a certain desperation in the manner of this respected gentleman that left a seriously bad taste in the mouth, although I did receive my share of flak for being a "cock-tease" which I have been accused of being many times before by others as well, in subtle hints if not directly. However, there were few people at the event who were there for the purpose of serious social networking with similar people in similar industry, and if individuals do decide that they fancy one another for a steamy session under the covers, that's there own sweet will and no one else's business.
I must say I did meet a few interesting and friendly people on both occasions, and had a good time dining with one of the married couples from the movie nite, later on. Married for ten years, they were the first and only married gay couple in London I know till date.
This, of course, will give me a good platform to build upon, if I indeed decide to stay on in London and look for better and varied career opportunities in Financial services industry. I do have to work a tad harder to get my act together in terms being well verse with all aspects of the domain I am involved with currently.
One crazy thing that dawns upon you is that with such networking events happening, where you are able to identify higher positioned individuals in the industry who may be attracted to you sexually, it may become possible for good looking associates and analysts to sleep their way up the ladder to good positions and good money. And I thought it was only the fashion or media where such a thing was a possibility!
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Now, what?
Now, there is a drift,
Now, there is a stir,
As the pieces fall in place,
So the picture is ablur.
Now, there're reasons to be nice,
Now, feelings spiral out-of-control,
As the days looked-forward-to approach,
In the stack of hay, we roll.
We see, we love, we think,
We say we think we love,
What's happened is clear but how,
Do we care for what's in store?
All we care is here and now.
Now, there is a stir,
As the pieces fall in place,
So the picture is ablur.
Now, there're reasons to be nice,
Now, feelings spiral out-of-control,
As the days looked-forward-to approach,
In the stack of hay, we roll.
We see, we love, we think,
We say we think we love,
What's happened is clear but how,
Do we care for what's in store?
All we care is here and now.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Bitch
"Pick up your calls, Bitch"
A pretty harmless statement in our rainbow times, but one which really put me off after a very nice evening out with friends.
Well I think the thing that irks me about the usage of the word is that it is used to address almost anyone and flaunted like an accessory by gay men carrying a "hep" self-image. Its abuse is as frequent as dude, darling and of course the f word. Since almost there is certainly an image of a 'bitch' (self-centred, back-stabbing, wily), why dilute the spite targeted towards a real 'bitch' to every living soul who comes within your friend circle?
If I am being naughty and pulling a friend's leg and they turn around and call me a bitch, I am tickled and happy. But I refuse to accept being addressed like that after every few sentences, and especially on an online message forum or a restaurant etc. It has happened and I have strongly objected and distanced myself from people who can't stop 'bitch'ing others. People should just increase their vocabulary and introduce new ways of addressing others, I am sure that can be so much more interesting.
Try 'Doe' or 'Duck'
A pretty harmless statement in our rainbow times, but one which really put me off after a very nice evening out with friends.
Well I think the thing that irks me about the usage of the word is that it is used to address almost anyone and flaunted like an accessory by gay men carrying a "hep" self-image. Its abuse is as frequent as dude, darling and of course the f word. Since almost there is certainly an image of a 'bitch' (self-centred, back-stabbing, wily), why dilute the spite targeted towards a real 'bitch' to every living soul who comes within your friend circle?
If I am being naughty and pulling a friend's leg and they turn around and call me a bitch, I am tickled and happy. But I refuse to accept being addressed like that after every few sentences, and especially on an online message forum or a restaurant etc. It has happened and I have strongly objected and distanced myself from people who can't stop 'bitch'ing others. People should just increase their vocabulary and introduce new ways of addressing others, I am sure that can be so much more interesting.
Try 'Doe' or 'Duck'
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Changing times
I thought this post had been accidently deleted, but it was sitting pretty in drafts... from 11 days ago...
"Us" time over, "me" time begins.
For the next 6 weeks, I will have a lot of time on hand to do things like writing regularly on this blog, pursuing hobbies, fitness regimes, socials, cooking blah blah blah. And then it will be "us" time again and all these things will quickly go on the back burner.
It is pretty obvious that I value the "us" time more than the "me" time, as I willingly decide against or simply forget to do simple things like check my gmail frequently or write a travelogue entry.
Although, had we been staying together all the time, I would have had found a balance between these us, me, you, I times more naturally (at least that's what I hope). But now, these come and go in phases, half the time we end up getting so much "me" time (now whether we do anything productive out of it is another question altogether) that when we do get the "us" time going, we just shut other things out.
Having said that, my eternal balancing act tendency drives me to a very large extent to bring more of the mix of our own times with the times spent doing things separately, but yes its difficult.
"Us" time over, "me" time begins.
For the next 6 weeks, I will have a lot of time on hand to do things like writing regularly on this blog, pursuing hobbies, fitness regimes, socials, cooking blah blah blah. And then it will be "us" time again and all these things will quickly go on the back burner.
It is pretty obvious that I value the "us" time more than the "me" time, as I willingly decide against or simply forget to do simple things like check my gmail frequently or write a travelogue entry.
Although, had we been staying together all the time, I would have had found a balance between these us, me, you, I times more naturally (at least that's what I hope). But now, these come and go in phases, half the time we end up getting so much "me" time (now whether we do anything productive out of it is another question altogether) that when we do get the "us" time going, we just shut other things out.
Having said that, my eternal balancing act tendency drives me to a very large extent to bring more of the mix of our own times with the times spent doing things separately, but yes its difficult.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
No time for fear
Not getting any time to write here.
I feel like getting consumed by the fear of not being able to do anything, specifically for my presentation in ten days time, and also generally.
This fear is making me more and more unproductive.
Have to conquer it, sit down, make a list and do stuff I have been meaning to do for ages.
This time the fear factor is too strong though. Fear of under-achieving...
Finding it hard to calm down.
I feel like getting consumed by the fear of not being able to do anything, specifically for my presentation in ten days time, and also generally.
This fear is making me more and more unproductive.
Have to conquer it, sit down, make a list and do stuff I have been meaning to do for ages.
This time the fear factor is too strong though. Fear of under-achieving...
Finding it hard to calm down.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
New place, old plans
Off the blog for quite a few days now, mainly coz I am still settling down at my new place.
I still can't believe I shifted to Waterloo. Have been enjoying my first few days here. Work is 15 min away now, that too by bus!! I can actually think of walking to work on nice summer days, its probably just about a couple of kilometres.
Excited about Anu coming to this new house. He'll probably enjoy his stay much more now, although I know he was content at the last place as well. But this is going to be so much better anyway!
I have plans to roam about london (esp now that I live in the centre), get-together of a few friends, evenings out in soho and other places, n of course invites to all those events by Vish. Then of course our trip to Germany, which should be cosy (I hope there is snow there, I hope there is snow there, .....) .. And some more chilling out!!
Have been socialising as usual with the twenty something people, some of them I've begun to recognise and know well, which is very nice. Although if Anu had been here, I know I would have ended up going to the age no restriction meetings. It's because I personally don't feel threatened by older guys, though I know many can be absolute jerks.(And no, this is not because I am attracted to older guys, please....)
Anyway, I am enjoying my occassional evenings out well-spent with some really nice people.
I still can't believe I shifted to Waterloo. Have been enjoying my first few days here. Work is 15 min away now, that too by bus!! I can actually think of walking to work on nice summer days, its probably just about a couple of kilometres.
Excited about Anu coming to this new house. He'll probably enjoy his stay much more now, although I know he was content at the last place as well. But this is going to be so much better anyway!
I have plans to roam about london (esp now that I live in the centre), get-together of a few friends, evenings out in soho and other places, n of course invites to all those events by Vish. Then of course our trip to Germany, which should be cosy (I hope there is snow there, I hope there is snow there, .....) .. And some more chilling out!!
Have been socialising as usual with the twenty something people, some of them I've begun to recognise and know well, which is very nice. Although if Anu had been here, I know I would have ended up going to the age no restriction meetings. It's because I personally don't feel threatened by older guys, though I know many can be absolute jerks.(And no, this is not because I am attracted to older guys, please....)
Anyway, I am enjoying my occassional evenings out well-spent with some really nice people.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Where are the girls?
Where are the girls, why is the feminine gender so acutely missing right now from my life story?
Well my girl friends have been from place of work or place of study, and here there are no girls around my working area or in my project at all. It is such a sad situation since I feel really comfortable and close to a girl when she gets to become a friend.
I am meeting so many men socially that I feel deprived of women's company. I think the solution lies in finding a larger variety of things to do socially.
Where should I look for girls -
* Lesbian bars - entry barred for me I think, and who the hell wants to go there anyway
* speed dating - ya sure
* friend's friends - better idea, but all my dear male friends also seem to be on the same path of girl-lessness like me
* cookery classes - they take 200 quid for those, and i dont want to learn cooking, i should be teaching that (which of course those dumb-a**es would not let me), and i think nowadays i will find men in these as well anyway
* clubs - risky, i am usually to be found looking at the handsome bf on the dance floor, and the girl may just be vengeful
Running out of ideas, please suggest.
Well my girl friends have been from place of work or place of study, and here there are no girls around my working area or in my project at all. It is such a sad situation since I feel really comfortable and close to a girl when she gets to become a friend.
I am meeting so many men socially that I feel deprived of women's company. I think the solution lies in finding a larger variety of things to do socially.
Where should I look for girls -
* Lesbian bars - entry barred for me I think, and who the hell wants to go there anyway
* speed dating - ya sure
* friend's friends - better idea, but all my dear male friends also seem to be on the same path of girl-lessness like me
* cookery classes - they take 200 quid for those, and i dont want to learn cooking, i should be teaching that (which of course those dumb-a**es would not let me), and i think nowadays i will find men in these as well anyway
* clubs - risky, i am usually to be found looking at the handsome bf on the dance floor, and the girl may just be vengeful
Running out of ideas, please suggest.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Second Best
First the update, I should be shifting to Waterloo soon, right in ZONE UNO, and yes I am excited. :-)
Now on to the lament...
All the material things that come to me are the second best.
It is such a regular feature of my life, that it is scary and funny at the same time. Be it the choice of college, specialization, work project, house location, movie at the cinema or the dish that I order, I am usually denied my first choice by fate. Something or the other has to be wrong even in the best thing that comes my way, which leaves me in a "happy but could have been happier" state.
I should indeed be grateful that I get the second choice and not have to wait for the nth, but being the selfish prick I am, I don't always rejoice in this fact.
One concern that suddenly arises in my mind is that if I believe in the above too much, I might automatically start working less hard to get my first choice, knowing that I will eventually end up with the second choice anyway.
Now on to the lament...
All the material things that come to me are the second best.
It is such a regular feature of my life, that it is scary and funny at the same time. Be it the choice of college, specialization, work project, house location, movie at the cinema or the dish that I order, I am usually denied my first choice by fate. Something or the other has to be wrong even in the best thing that comes my way, which leaves me in a "happy but could have been happier" state.
I should indeed be grateful that I get the second choice and not have to wait for the nth, but being the selfish prick I am, I don't always rejoice in this fact.
One concern that suddenly arises in my mind is that if I believe in the above too much, I might automatically start working less hard to get my first choice, knowing that I will eventually end up with the second choice anyway.
Monday, February 04, 2008
The sun is shining, so please don't be mad at me...
Today is one of those days.
Everything went well and everything went right.
Visa granted, albeit some suspense on the duration that they have obliged to grant it for. All work at office went smoothly and lots was achieved. The insurers faxed my physician and even though he is on holiday, the other physician called to say she will take care of it, so I can keep my knee appointment with the specialist on Saturday intact. Feels nice.
Yesterday was quite mixed in contrast, more worse than better. You can't expect the rest of the evening to go very well, if the boyfriend decides to get angry at your 'uncaring' attitude! I was really shaken to hear that said about me, and was left trembling in my pyjamas. And of course, trying to ask for forgiveness and make him feel better somehow. Today also, he has slept without talking to me and something tells me all my efforts to make him feel better yesterday night did not work fully well. I hated to feel like that and I will hate it even more if I make him feel like that at all, without meaning it, so I sincerely hope things will be completely alright tomorrow.
I have full faith the Munich trip will be real fun :-)
We will escape all the summer tourists and have all those charming locations to ourselves with some nice nip in the air. I am already visualising what all we will do!
Everything went well and everything went right.
Visa granted, albeit some suspense on the duration that they have obliged to grant it for. All work at office went smoothly and lots was achieved. The insurers faxed my physician and even though he is on holiday, the other physician called to say she will take care of it, so I can keep my knee appointment with the specialist on Saturday intact. Feels nice.
Yesterday was quite mixed in contrast, more worse than better. You can't expect the rest of the evening to go very well, if the boyfriend decides to get angry at your 'uncaring' attitude! I was really shaken to hear that said about me, and was left trembling in my pyjamas. And of course, trying to ask for forgiveness and make him feel better somehow. Today also, he has slept without talking to me and something tells me all my efforts to make him feel better yesterday night did not work fully well. I hated to feel like that and I will hate it even more if I make him feel like that at all, without meaning it, so I sincerely hope things will be completely alright tomorrow.
I have full faith the Munich trip will be real fun :-)
We will escape all the summer tourists and have all those charming locations to ourselves with some nice nip in the air. I am already visualising what all we will do!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Yet another week ends
Saw the opera "Madam Butterfly" running for a limited edition at the London Coliseum. I have no idea how people shell out 70 quid for that! It was nothing but a pathetic Hindi film storyline that could be wrapped in 5 min, spread over 3 hours. It was visually spectacular and everything, and quite modern in presentation, but at the end I am glad I was paying only 10 quid, thanks to Manny arranging a staff rate. Overall, I liked the dramatic end, but the romance was nothing but a big yawn.
Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day before big day Monday, when I should get my schengen stamped! Finally, after 10 months of being in this country, it's a shame I hadn't got it done till now.
Pass by...
When the waking eyes are dreamless,
when the sunset came too soon,
you search inside for feelings,
you used them as festoon.
The calm inside is scary,
you like it being alone,
The calm inside is precious,
your heart and mind atone.
The days are passing by us,
the seasons flowing by,
we may or may not live our dreams,
we certainly bid goodbye.
Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day before big day Monday, when I should get my schengen stamped! Finally, after 10 months of being in this country, it's a shame I hadn't got it done till now.
Pass by...
When the waking eyes are dreamless,
when the sunset came too soon,
you search inside for feelings,
you used them as festoon.
The calm inside is scary,
you like it being alone,
The calm inside is precious,
your heart and mind atone.
The days are passing by us,
the seasons flowing by,
we may or may not live our dreams,
we certainly bid goodbye.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Time flies
Time goes by... so slowly
time goes by... so slowly... so slowly... so slowly
I disagree with Madonna Auntie. Time just flies!
Gotta do so much, not even time to update my blog with all that...
First things first, gotta talk to my knee and tell it to get up and running quick.
Going for my first opera in ages tomorrow!
Life's good, relatively.
time goes by... so slowly... so slowly... so slowly
I disagree with Madonna Auntie. Time just flies!
Gotta do so much, not even time to update my blog with all that...
First things first, gotta talk to my knee and tell it to get up and running quick.
Going for my first opera in ages tomorrow!
Life's good, relatively.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Failing to achieve
Got some new books today, about politics, meditation, science/psychoanalysis and german :-) No more Indian authors this time...
Kept talking to Anu for more than a couple of hours, and also at home and now its evening already!
Get this feeling I haven't "achieved" what I wanted to... which mainly was some sick work I have to do as part of the "knowledge-building" activities my company encourages us to participate in. Boring Bull-shit.
The knee still hurts. But told folks at home today that it is all fine now, esp since mom goes into this high-pitch lament of how I have gone so far away and that she is unable to help me and comfort me, and that it gives her loads of mental tension thinking about all this. So no more problems discussed from now on, no more mental tension.
Haven't been able to make my mind about shifting out scenario as well. Saw Manny's flat and its location is really quite good. 4 min walk from London eye and South bank! You can't ask for a better location really. Then why didnt I say yes to him, well for one the amount exceeds my maximum budget by 22% and super maximum budget by 12%. And I didnt fall in love with the apartment - no balcony/garden, super tiny kitchen smelling of sea-food. I am still confused, waiting for the best choice to make itself obvious to me miraculously.
The 2 glasses of tempranillo have worked like a charm.
Time to go - clean the room, "achieve".
Kept talking to Anu for more than a couple of hours, and also at home and now its evening already!
Get this feeling I haven't "achieved" what I wanted to... which mainly was some sick work I have to do as part of the "knowledge-building" activities my company encourages us to participate in. Boring Bull-shit.
The knee still hurts. But told folks at home today that it is all fine now, esp since mom goes into this high-pitch lament of how I have gone so far away and that she is unable to help me and comfort me, and that it gives her loads of mental tension thinking about all this. So no more problems discussed from now on, no more mental tension.
Haven't been able to make my mind about shifting out scenario as well. Saw Manny's flat and its location is really quite good. 4 min walk from London eye and South bank! You can't ask for a better location really. Then why didnt I say yes to him, well for one the amount exceeds my maximum budget by 22% and super maximum budget by 12%. And I didnt fall in love with the apartment - no balcony/garden, super tiny kitchen smelling of sea-food. I am still confused, waiting for the best choice to make itself obvious to me miraculously.
The 2 glasses of tempranillo have worked like a charm.
Time to go - clean the room, "achieve".
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The Lost Boy
Got a comment that my posts are dead boring nowadays. Now Mr. M, leave this comment on the post rather than trying to make my gung-ho post a post every-so-often morale nose-dive over the phone. I am quite sure the number of readers here does not exceed my lucky number of 4 anyway.
Saw Priscilla - Queen of the desert and Juno today, nice ones both. Saw the Australian outback for the first time in a film I think, and both films had their funny moments.
Finished Anita Desai's novel as well. She made the character of the German Jew in Bombay so real, that I felt like a personal loss at the end of the novel when he died. "Pish-pash", a word I remember from the novel. A dish. It describes some of our lives quite well, I thought. Pish-pash, a mix of everything, and mostly nothing.
Its been weird, the last few weeks, months. Everything is a "maybe", desires are blurred and confusing and emotions are full-on high drama-gear, laughter, smiles, tears, misery, come and go with such furious intensity and rapid frequency, that things feel like a mess sometimes, again, Pish-pash. Exercising control over all this looks a complete necessity, yet feels unnatural.
So, it does finally make sense to me to look inside my spiritual self, as Anu has asked me so often to do. And, so I will. I feel an unusually shaky starter though, surprisingly, in terms of not knowing what to do, where to begin, with these doubts being larger than when I have started on other new paths. But then so is the search itself.
If only only 20% of my thoughts entered my mind at a time rather than the clutter that exists in it, I would have been much better off.
Saw Priscilla - Queen of the desert and Juno today, nice ones both. Saw the Australian outback for the first time in a film I think, and both films had their funny moments.
Finished Anita Desai's novel as well. She made the character of the German Jew in Bombay so real, that I felt like a personal loss at the end of the novel when he died. "Pish-pash", a word I remember from the novel. A dish. It describes some of our lives quite well, I thought. Pish-pash, a mix of everything, and mostly nothing.
Its been weird, the last few weeks, months. Everything is a "maybe", desires are blurred and confusing and emotions are full-on high drama-gear, laughter, smiles, tears, misery, come and go with such furious intensity and rapid frequency, that things feel like a mess sometimes, again, Pish-pash. Exercising control over all this looks a complete necessity, yet feels unnatural.
So, it does finally make sense to me to look inside my spiritual self, as Anu has asked me so often to do. And, so I will. I feel an unusually shaky starter though, surprisingly, in terms of not knowing what to do, where to begin, with these doubts being larger than when I have started on other new paths. But then so is the search itself.
If only only 20% of my thoughts entered my mind at a time rather than the clutter that exists in it, I would have been much better off.
Monday, January 14, 2008
More crazy
Ok another list.
Crazy things I feel like doing:
1. Feel a perfectly bald guy's head with my palm, humming a tune loudly (Gawd I saw the perfect candidate for this in the tube today, but couldn't gather the courage)
2. Sit on top and make a pony of my pet dog (yes I will have one one day), and hold its ears. (I know I will have to pretend I am sitting, else the poor thing will die, or worse bite me)
3. Do a sex course where they teach you how to be great at it, bring all sorts of dildos and sex toys and do demonstrations. (Oh my god, did I just do this day before yesterday in a lecture hall right in the middle of London university!!... uber cool)
4. Negotiate my way through a huge dark forested area at night, o gawd... it would be so terrific, that is, if I survive multiple heart-attacks caused by the sound of my own feet while walking on dry leaves.
5. Take a glider and jump off a cliff. Number 1.
6. Pick each house in my lane one by one, and peek into all their accessible windows for a fixed number of days each, and form a theory on the life of its inhabitants by what I see. And after I'm done, peek more where its worth peeking, if you know what I mean.
7. Buy all toy characters of the GI Joe variety, place them at various places in the house and then treat the whole place as their world, and create a mini series of their adventures, actually film it you know. Actually its not a bad idea! Umm...so that's where the toy story guys stole their idea from, my mind!
8. Go to office in drag. Hmm..., strangely exciting, this thought.
9. Invite all rude people I know (of all genders), and who I want revenge from for being nasty and mean, get them drugged and strip them naked, and cane their bu**. lol
Crazy things I feel like doing:
1. Feel a perfectly bald guy's head with my palm, humming a tune loudly (Gawd I saw the perfect candidate for this in the tube today, but couldn't gather the courage)
2. Sit on top and make a pony of my pet dog (yes I will have one one day), and hold its ears. (I know I will have to pretend I am sitting, else the poor thing will die, or worse bite me)
3. Do a sex course where they teach you how to be great at it, bring all sorts of dildos and sex toys and do demonstrations. (Oh my god, did I just do this day before yesterday in a lecture hall right in the middle of London university!!... uber cool)
4. Negotiate my way through a huge dark forested area at night, o gawd... it would be so terrific, that is, if I survive multiple heart-attacks caused by the sound of my own feet while walking on dry leaves.
5. Take a glider and jump off a cliff. Number 1.
6. Pick each house in my lane one by one, and peek into all their accessible windows for a fixed number of days each, and form a theory on the life of its inhabitants by what I see. And after I'm done, peek more where its worth peeking, if you know what I mean.
7. Buy all toy characters of the GI Joe variety, place them at various places in the house and then treat the whole place as their world, and create a mini series of their adventures, actually film it you know. Actually its not a bad idea! Umm...so that's where the toy story guys stole their idea from, my mind!
8. Go to office in drag. Hmm..., strangely exciting, this thought.
9. Invite all rude people I know (of all genders), and who I want revenge from for being nasty and mean, get them drugged and strip them naked, and cane their bu**. lol
Sitting at Home
I was watching Heroes all day yesterday. It is such a wasteful activity, but yet it is addictive. I decided not to resist the urge to watch episode after episode and finished the first season. Now, I can have a breather, and move on to other things (No, not the next season). Well, not the next season because the climax of the first was such a big let down, that if asked what was wrong with it, I wouldn't know where to start. Something that started dramatically, and had its brilliant edge-of-the-seat moments, huffed and puffed to a grinding halt in the finale.
Then, had a bout of the oh-what-is-my-life-supposed-to-be and oh-what-i-am-doing-with-it syndromes, but managed to lose it as soon as it started to get troublesome. There are things to do, and figuring out what are those that I really need to do is the first of them. But worrying about it should be definitely off the list. The starting point for me is to realise that I am OK as is. Even if there is no creativity, no material goal to achieve in mind, no definite plan of action, it is still the way it is. Perhaps it is much closer to the state of happiness than a life full of achievement and desires to carry the flag of achievement till you reach your death bed. And then, doing what I want to do, conquering laziness but building contentedness. Gosh, that’s a f***ing tough balance to achieve!
Then, had a bout of the oh-what-is-my-life-supposed-to-be and oh-what-i-am-doing-with-it syndromes, but managed to lose it as soon as it started to get troublesome. There are things to do, and figuring out what are those that I really need to do is the first of them. But worrying about it should be definitely off the list. The starting point for me is to realise that I am OK as is. Even if there is no creativity, no material goal to achieve in mind, no definite plan of action, it is still the way it is. Perhaps it is much closer to the state of happiness than a life full of achievement and desires to carry the flag of achievement till you reach your death bed. And then, doing what I want to do, conquering laziness but building contentedness. Gosh, that’s a f***ing tough balance to achieve!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Being nice
Being nice. Its not bad. Its rather nice to be nice actually.
But what about perpetual Mr. Nices like me? Who can't help but greet every mortal on this earth with a stupid smile; who can't help but agree that they see a point in most ideas of most people; who can't help but thrust their shoulder in front whenever anybody evenly remotely acquainted is looking for one to soak with their tears and who can find it most difficult thing in the world to openly criticize or belittle someone?
Well, then being nice can become equivalent to being an ass, as I continuously come across people who give me their piece of mind and their judgment and their rude remarks left, right and center knowing fully well that I am a nice (read weak, for them) guy. And nice guys aren't rude in return.
Only,... that I have now learnt to be. I give it back to them with the same (at times more) ferocity than they hurled it my way.
But I can't do it all the time. That's not what I am. When I decide to get rude or even curt with someone, that's not me, it is just a mask I have to wear in self-defense. And at times when I am not able to do it, I must not be upset about it, and I am learning that as well.
Plus, I shouldn't bother too much, coz even if they do think I am weak and incompetent, they do fall in love with me anyway.
But what about perpetual Mr. Nices like me? Who can't help but greet every mortal on this earth with a stupid smile; who can't help but agree that they see a point in most ideas of most people; who can't help but thrust their shoulder in front whenever anybody evenly remotely acquainted is looking for one to soak with their tears and who can find it most difficult thing in the world to openly criticize or belittle someone?
Well, then being nice can become equivalent to being an ass, as I continuously come across people who give me their piece of mind and their judgment and their rude remarks left, right and center knowing fully well that I am a nice (read weak, for them) guy. And nice guys aren't rude in return.
Only,... that I have now learnt to be. I give it back to them with the same (at times more) ferocity than they hurled it my way.
But I can't do it all the time. That's not what I am. When I decide to get rude or even curt with someone, that's not me, it is just a mask I have to wear in self-defense. And at times when I am not able to do it, I must not be upset about it, and I am learning that as well.
Plus, I shouldn't bother too much, coz even if they do think I am weak and incompetent, they do fall in love with me anyway.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Raking the memory bin
Most wonderful memories
1. Last year, at Wales, when we reached the cliffs, and I went Wow.
2. My birthday in 2005, awesome... whole new sensations during and after making love.
3. Feeling of being really popular, on being elected Finsoc prez at college after my speech, 2004
4. The boat ride on the lake in Udaipur with parents and bro, in great weather, and eating absolutely delicious sandwiches on the roadside after that, 1989
5. Quite a few memories from Bangalore - post-lunch walks, drunken chit-chat at home, night-outs, and more...
Ghastly memories:
1. Sitting crying in the rain for 2 hours, 2005
1. Paper cancellation in 3rd semester for no fault of mine on charges of cheating, 1998
2. Seeing all women of the house crying, seated in a line at the hospital, when my grandfather died, 1987
3. Children of the neighbourhood uniting to exclude me from the game, without specifying the reason that did not occur to me until much later, 1988
4. Hitting the lowest ebb ever in my school grades in the first term of class XII, 1996
5. Sitting and looking out from the window of our first floor flat feeling hopeless, for return of Mom and Dad, or of my little brother who was not back home from the video game shop even after dark. 1990
Plus couple of other faded memories from when I was a little child myself...
The past ten years have been quite better I'd say :-)
1. Last year, at Wales, when we reached the cliffs, and I went Wow.
2. My birthday in 2005, awesome... whole new sensations during and after making love.
3. Feeling of being really popular, on being elected Finsoc prez at college after my speech, 2004
4. The boat ride on the lake in Udaipur with parents and bro, in great weather, and eating absolutely delicious sandwiches on the roadside after that, 1989
5. Quite a few memories from Bangalore - post-lunch walks, drunken chit-chat at home, night-outs, and more...
Ghastly memories:
1. Sitting crying in the rain for 2 hours, 2005
1. Paper cancellation in 3rd semester for no fault of mine on charges of cheating, 1998
2. Seeing all women of the house crying, seated in a line at the hospital, when my grandfather died, 1987
3. Children of the neighbourhood uniting to exclude me from the game, without specifying the reason that did not occur to me until much later, 1988
4. Hitting the lowest ebb ever in my school grades in the first term of class XII, 1996
5. Sitting and looking out from the window of our first floor flat feeling hopeless, for return of Mom and Dad, or of my little brother who was not back home from the video game shop even after dark. 1990
Plus couple of other faded memories from when I was a little child myself...
The past ten years have been quite better I'd say :-)
Monday, January 07, 2008
Bored in pain
Subah hoti hai shaam hoti hai,
zindagi yun hee tamaam hoti hai...
My knee hurts, but thankfully I get the feeling it will heal in 3-4 days. Yesterday the pain brought with it a lot of negative thoughts. But I think I tackled them well with reason. For every reason to bring myself down and depressed, I could pull out two to make me feel good and cheerful. Even in pain.
Now I remember trying to do a little shake-n-twist as I put on the music today on returning from office, and I smile and wince at the same time, the pain was there, is still there, but I am not afraid.
Yes, I was afraid yesterday. That makes you weak. One has to be stronger, I have to be stronger, definitely.
That said, my whole week is definitely ruined. I am not viewing any more flats tomorrow and would also not be going to the group on Wednesday. I haven't been to the group for three months now, its just that all these first wednesdays, I've been busy in something.
In a way, I am glad I got hurt after a long time. The body must know of its capability to function even in pain. To hop in cold wind for thirty minutes, knowing it will eventually reach home and get the rest it deserves.
In a way, if this does happen, we become creatures used to so much comfort that pain in our body becomes an alien phenomenon, which we aren't ready to face, let alone endure.
Now a couple of days, the pain doesn't bother me that much. I know it's taking its time. And I can go back to the usual office, cooking, TV/book/internet routine taking it in my stride, limping and hopping, back to the daily cycle of mornings and evenings, mornings and evenings...
zindagi yun hee tamaam hoti hai...
My knee hurts, but thankfully I get the feeling it will heal in 3-4 days. Yesterday the pain brought with it a lot of negative thoughts. But I think I tackled them well with reason. For every reason to bring myself down and depressed, I could pull out two to make me feel good and cheerful. Even in pain.
Now I remember trying to do a little shake-n-twist as I put on the music today on returning from office, and I smile and wince at the same time, the pain was there, is still there, but I am not afraid.
Yes, I was afraid yesterday. That makes you weak. One has to be stronger, I have to be stronger, definitely.
That said, my whole week is definitely ruined. I am not viewing any more flats tomorrow and would also not be going to the group on Wednesday. I haven't been to the group for three months now, its just that all these first wednesdays, I've been busy in something.
In a way, I am glad I got hurt after a long time. The body must know of its capability to function even in pain. To hop in cold wind for thirty minutes, knowing it will eventually reach home and get the rest it deserves.
In a way, if this does happen, we become creatures used to so much comfort that pain in our body becomes an alien phenomenon, which we aren't ready to face, let alone endure.
Now a couple of days, the pain doesn't bother me that much. I know it's taking its time. And I can go back to the usual office, cooking, TV/book/internet routine taking it in my stride, limping and hopping, back to the daily cycle of mornings and evenings, mornings and evenings...
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Year gone-by (II)
Had a nice day first looking up flats to rent with V and then gossiping over lunch (that I prepared), and now sipping some wine listening to music, and jotting this down as an episode of heroes loads in the background so I can watch it.
Heroes, I don't particularly like it now having seen about 7 episodes already. It has all its twists and turns and complexities that keep you engrossed but somehow it is just another american soap, despite not being a soap at all, if you know what i mean.
Anyway, what else did I do last year. Oh yes, made new friends. That is, in London, of course. I was new in London, so I had to make friends, and I did. And now am glad I have a sort of social circle in London. But I am spending more and more time with myself, and happily so. I do get the "lonely" feeling at times, but that's part of it because I choose to spend time with myself. Watching movies I like, running on the schedule I want, doing as I please etc etc
My interactions with Anu are also maturing, as is our relationship, although quite slowly. Both he and I know that there are loads of things we just have to accept and take into our stride, and we are learning it is possible to do that. It is again a part of choosing my actions and agreeing to be responsible for them, which includes my partner and my respect, love and care for him, taking into consideration the situation that is out of my control. But as always, I found it is never going to be easy for us, and maybe that's the fun of it all.
I travelled this year, but not as much as I would have liked to. Visited Jaisalmer in feb and that was a good one, with elaborate descriptions on this blog. From London, Anu and I visited Scotland and Wales and Brighton and Southend. I still want to visit more beaches and the lake district but that's gonna happen in the summer. We had an amazing time in Wales and Brighton, and this year I am sure gonna travel much more. Bavaria, here we come, in feb end!
Heroes, I don't particularly like it now having seen about 7 episodes already. It has all its twists and turns and complexities that keep you engrossed but somehow it is just another american soap, despite not being a soap at all, if you know what i mean.
Anyway, what else did I do last year. Oh yes, made new friends. That is, in London, of course. I was new in London, so I had to make friends, and I did. And now am glad I have a sort of social circle in London. But I am spending more and more time with myself, and happily so. I do get the "lonely" feeling at times, but that's part of it because I choose to spend time with myself. Watching movies I like, running on the schedule I want, doing as I please etc etc
My interactions with Anu are also maturing, as is our relationship, although quite slowly. Both he and I know that there are loads of things we just have to accept and take into our stride, and we are learning it is possible to do that. It is again a part of choosing my actions and agreeing to be responsible for them, which includes my partner and my respect, love and care for him, taking into consideration the situation that is out of my control. But as always, I found it is never going to be easy for us, and maybe that's the fun of it all.
I travelled this year, but not as much as I would have liked to. Visited Jaisalmer in feb and that was a good one, with elaborate descriptions on this blog. From London, Anu and I visited Scotland and Wales and Brighton and Southend. I still want to visit more beaches and the lake district but that's gonna happen in the summer. We had an amazing time in Wales and Brighton, and this year I am sure gonna travel much more. Bavaria, here we come, in feb end!
Friday, January 04, 2008
Year gone-by
Well last year deserves at least a post on itself doesn’t it?
Life was certainly less exciting this year than 2006.
The first two months were spent waiting for the UK project to happen, mixed with lots of confusion about other roles and positions in Noida / NY. I am quite ridiculous when it comes to making any kind of choice on my own, though this year I have tremendously improved on this front. Well the Merrill project happened, and March was spent preparing to get here.
The next nine months were on expected lines work-wise. I enjoyed the fact that the work was not entirely boring and hardly ever hectic. I hardly made any friends at work, continuing the trend that started in Noida. It is in strong contrast to Amsoft and HP, where I forged quite strong friendship that seem to last the test of time. There are two factors I attribute to this – The close friendships from these two previous employers are more because these people have come into the inner personal sphere of my life, and know me to a greater extent than the outside world. And also, it is plain simple harder to make friends as you grow in the company; everyone turns into a boring married person or hideous conniving person, many a times both.
I stayed clear of all “freshie” Indians like myself at work. Well I would admit I tried to make an effort to get along and plan weekends together at start, but gave up once I found myself utterly bored and frustrated in their company.
Also gave a thought to getting a certification or getting some massive reading going to get to really become the expert in my area I should be, but that just remained a thought. If one gets super appraisals just by doing what I do, then where is the need to put in an extra effort? I still might go for a certification after all, keeping with my penchant for securing a bright future.
Well lets just keep this post for my worklife this year then shall we... how utterly boring.
More in the next one, ya there should be a next one within this year.
Life was certainly less exciting this year than 2006.
The first two months were spent waiting for the UK project to happen, mixed with lots of confusion about other roles and positions in Noida / NY. I am quite ridiculous when it comes to making any kind of choice on my own, though this year I have tremendously improved on this front. Well the Merrill project happened, and March was spent preparing to get here.
The next nine months were on expected lines work-wise. I enjoyed the fact that the work was not entirely boring and hardly ever hectic. I hardly made any friends at work, continuing the trend that started in Noida. It is in strong contrast to Amsoft and HP, where I forged quite strong friendship that seem to last the test of time. There are two factors I attribute to this – The close friendships from these two previous employers are more because these people have come into the inner personal sphere of my life, and know me to a greater extent than the outside world. And also, it is plain simple harder to make friends as you grow in the company; everyone turns into a boring married person or hideous conniving person, many a times both.
I stayed clear of all “freshie” Indians like myself at work. Well I would admit I tried to make an effort to get along and plan weekends together at start, but gave up once I found myself utterly bored and frustrated in their company.
Also gave a thought to getting a certification or getting some massive reading going to get to really become the expert in my area I should be, but that just remained a thought. If one gets super appraisals just by doing what I do, then where is the need to put in an extra effort? I still might go for a certification after all, keeping with my penchant for securing a bright future.
Well lets just keep this post for my worklife this year then shall we... how utterly boring.
More in the next one, ya there should be a next one within this year.
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