Naa kuch kehne ko hai,
Ik thakaan sii.
Raat beeti ja rahi hai, khaali makaan sii.
Mareez baney ja rahe hain gam-e-bewajah,
khudgarzi ne kar dee hai soch hairaan sii.
'kaash...',
sab maslon kee wajah ye lafz hee hai shayad.
'shayad...',
iss lafz ne toh jeena mushkil kar diya hai.
ruk nahi sakte,
dukhte pair chale chalte hain.
manzil jo baithi hai saamne, pukaarti huyi,
qatl kar dee hai uski aarzoo khule-aam sii.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Unrest to rest
It's amazing how an hour or two of outdoor therapy can relax the mind. Anu and I went to St.Katharine's docks by the Tower Bridge after dinner, and roamed around in the peaceful, serene area for a while. Sat quietly on a bench by the water, with tens of boats silently anchored in the water softly shimmering under lights, its gentle lapping audible and only sporadically interrupted by the sound of laughter or merry conversation somewhere in one of the nearby restaurants.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Purpose
Such mixed, varied state of emotions. I can't understand things any longer. Actually I understand everything and nothing at the same time.
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Simply complicated
Got drunk for the second time in my entire life at Kali this Friday. Last time was 4 years ago in the beginning of second year at mba. Thankfully had friends around this time as well to rescue me. But this is something that I am not going to repeat ever, it isn't half as fun when you get silly on the dance floor and then next morning try hard to remember half the things that happened the previous night. A big complications hazard!
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Monday, June 16, 2008
I am what I am...
Things that made me happy today-
1. The carnations that I brought for Gaura-Nitai and also placed some in my window.
2. Great stir-fry I had for dinner :-)
3. Lunch with Lukes at Little Italy, gossip and heart-2-heart revelations :-)
Things that made me sad-
1. That I was getting angry (and therefore keeping quiet in frustration) on phone with Anu when I shouldn't have. The last thing he needs right now is me making his life difficult.
1. The carnations that I brought for Gaura-Nitai and also placed some in my window.
2. Great stir-fry I had for dinner :-)
3. Lunch with Lukes at Little Italy, gossip and heart-2-heart revelations :-)
Things that made me sad-
1. That I was getting angry (and therefore keeping quiet in frustration) on phone with Anu when I shouldn't have. The last thing he needs right now is me making his life difficult.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Its a fuckin' funny world...
Its a fuckin funny world out there..
Another first happened today. Got invited to a birthday party, and was asked to share the bill! Now that was new, for me.
Anyway, its the people. Funny people. More and more you interact with them, more and more this world appears so fuckin irritating. Irritating world full of irritating people.
Greedy people. Jealous people. Selfish people. Complicated people.
The conversation with Anu in the evening was so wierd, as he was so distracted. I tried to laugh, but then I snapped, as usual. Soon he suggested we talk later in the night, but then neither of us called or messaged each other during the night. I have hundreds of possibilities running in my mind as to why he was distracted, and complicated as he is, he wont tell me straight away. It may be something I said yesterday, the thread of conversation we did not complete, or something he remembered or something at home or getting back to me as I may have been distracted last couple of conversations or my last post maybe... I don't know. And that keeps irritating me further.
I sometimes strongly feel I don't belong in this culture, here. But I feel I belong in no culture. I carry the burden of a lack of strong personality and a lack of self-assured ideas.
People are ready to assault you always. Be it the woman having marital problems and attention seeking disorder making nasty comments at everyone to evoke reaction, or the person in office sending you a rude email when you thought he was a nice gentle sort of a character, to your colleagues who sometimes bring a tinge of racism (or just groupism) even if it isnt so deliberate, or the oh-so-formal or eternally jabbing friends, I am getting a tad sick of everything.
Well, I dont know if I really mean it, but I don't care. Ya, only so much that I am writing about it.
Another first happened today. Got invited to a birthday party, and was asked to share the bill! Now that was new, for me.
Anyway, its the people. Funny people. More and more you interact with them, more and more this world appears so fuckin irritating. Irritating world full of irritating people.
Greedy people. Jealous people. Selfish people. Complicated people.
The conversation with Anu in the evening was so wierd, as he was so distracted. I tried to laugh, but then I snapped, as usual. Soon he suggested we talk later in the night, but then neither of us called or messaged each other during the night. I have hundreds of possibilities running in my mind as to why he was distracted, and complicated as he is, he wont tell me straight away. It may be something I said yesterday, the thread of conversation we did not complete, or something he remembered or something at home or getting back to me as I may have been distracted last couple of conversations or my last post maybe... I don't know. And that keeps irritating me further.
I sometimes strongly feel I don't belong in this culture, here. But I feel I belong in no culture. I carry the burden of a lack of strong personality and a lack of self-assured ideas.
People are ready to assault you always. Be it the woman having marital problems and attention seeking disorder making nasty comments at everyone to evoke reaction, or the person in office sending you a rude email when you thought he was a nice gentle sort of a character, to your colleagues who sometimes bring a tinge of racism (or just groupism) even if it isnt so deliberate, or the oh-so-formal or eternally jabbing friends, I am getting a tad sick of everything.
Well, I dont know if I really mean it, but I don't care. Ya, only so much that I am writing about it.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Networking
Gay Networking, had a first ever experience a few weeks ago when we went to the LGBT movie festival followed by the Interbank drinks event the next week.
It was good to know richer gay people for a change, and encouraging that people were comfortable and open in their workplaces, so much so that they came out to network with other gay men and women.
The thought at the back of my mind was of continous doubt as to the exact intention why people were attending these events in the first place. Especially at the interbank, the attendees were 99% men, which left me wondering whether it was a hunting ground for posh flesh hunters. Some of this doubt was concretized this saturday after our dinner with one of the new contacts I had met there. There was a certain desperation in the manner of this respected gentleman that left a seriously bad taste in the mouth, although I did receive my share of flak for being a "cock-tease" which I have been accused of being many times before by others as well, in subtle hints if not directly. However, there were few people at the event who were there for the purpose of serious social networking with similar people in similar industry, and if individuals do decide that they fancy one another for a steamy session under the covers, that's there own sweet will and no one else's business.
I must say I did meet a few interesting and friendly people on both occasions, and had a good time dining with one of the married couples from the movie nite, later on. Married for ten years, they were the first and only married gay couple in London I know till date.
This, of course, will give me a good platform to build upon, if I indeed decide to stay on in London and look for better and varied career opportunities in Financial services industry. I do have to work a tad harder to get my act together in terms being well verse with all aspects of the domain I am involved with currently.
One crazy thing that dawns upon you is that with such networking events happening, where you are able to identify higher positioned individuals in the industry who may be attracted to you sexually, it may become possible for good looking associates and analysts to sleep their way up the ladder to good positions and good money. And I thought it was only the fashion or media where such a thing was a possibility!
It was good to know richer gay people for a change, and encouraging that people were comfortable and open in their workplaces, so much so that they came out to network with other gay men and women.
The thought at the back of my mind was of continous doubt as to the exact intention why people were attending these events in the first place. Especially at the interbank, the attendees were 99% men, which left me wondering whether it was a hunting ground for posh flesh hunters. Some of this doubt was concretized this saturday after our dinner with one of the new contacts I had met there. There was a certain desperation in the manner of this respected gentleman that left a seriously bad taste in the mouth, although I did receive my share of flak for being a "cock-tease" which I have been accused of being many times before by others as well, in subtle hints if not directly. However, there were few people at the event who were there for the purpose of serious social networking with similar people in similar industry, and if individuals do decide that they fancy one another for a steamy session under the covers, that's there own sweet will and no one else's business.
I must say I did meet a few interesting and friendly people on both occasions, and had a good time dining with one of the married couples from the movie nite, later on. Married for ten years, they were the first and only married gay couple in London I know till date.
This, of course, will give me a good platform to build upon, if I indeed decide to stay on in London and look for better and varied career opportunities in Financial services industry. I do have to work a tad harder to get my act together in terms being well verse with all aspects of the domain I am involved with currently.
One crazy thing that dawns upon you is that with such networking events happening, where you are able to identify higher positioned individuals in the industry who may be attracted to you sexually, it may become possible for good looking associates and analysts to sleep their way up the ladder to good positions and good money. And I thought it was only the fashion or media where such a thing was a possibility!
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Now, what?
Now, there is a drift,
Now, there is a stir,
As the pieces fall in place,
So the picture is ablur.
Now, there're reasons to be nice,
Now, feelings spiral out-of-control,
As the days looked-forward-to approach,
In the stack of hay, we roll.
We see, we love, we think,
We say we think we love,
What's happened is clear but how,
Do we care for what's in store?
All we care is here and now.
Now, there is a stir,
As the pieces fall in place,
So the picture is ablur.
Now, there're reasons to be nice,
Now, feelings spiral out-of-control,
As the days looked-forward-to approach,
In the stack of hay, we roll.
We see, we love, we think,
We say we think we love,
What's happened is clear but how,
Do we care for what's in store?
All we care is here and now.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Bitch
"Pick up your calls, Bitch"
A pretty harmless statement in our rainbow times, but one which really put me off after a very nice evening out with friends.
Well I think the thing that irks me about the usage of the word is that it is used to address almost anyone and flaunted like an accessory by gay men carrying a "hep" self-image. Its abuse is as frequent as dude, darling and of course the f word. Since almost there is certainly an image of a 'bitch' (self-centred, back-stabbing, wily), why dilute the spite targeted towards a real 'bitch' to every living soul who comes within your friend circle?
If I am being naughty and pulling a friend's leg and they turn around and call me a bitch, I am tickled and happy. But I refuse to accept being addressed like that after every few sentences, and especially on an online message forum or a restaurant etc. It has happened and I have strongly objected and distanced myself from people who can't stop 'bitch'ing others. People should just increase their vocabulary and introduce new ways of addressing others, I am sure that can be so much more interesting.
Try 'Doe' or 'Duck'
A pretty harmless statement in our rainbow times, but one which really put me off after a very nice evening out with friends.
Well I think the thing that irks me about the usage of the word is that it is used to address almost anyone and flaunted like an accessory by gay men carrying a "hep" self-image. Its abuse is as frequent as dude, darling and of course the f word. Since almost there is certainly an image of a 'bitch' (self-centred, back-stabbing, wily), why dilute the spite targeted towards a real 'bitch' to every living soul who comes within your friend circle?
If I am being naughty and pulling a friend's leg and they turn around and call me a bitch, I am tickled and happy. But I refuse to accept being addressed like that after every few sentences, and especially on an online message forum or a restaurant etc. It has happened and I have strongly objected and distanced myself from people who can't stop 'bitch'ing others. People should just increase their vocabulary and introduce new ways of addressing others, I am sure that can be so much more interesting.
Try 'Doe' or 'Duck'
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Changing times
I thought this post had been accidently deleted, but it was sitting pretty in drafts... from 11 days ago...
"Us" time over, "me" time begins.
For the next 6 weeks, I will have a lot of time on hand to do things like writing regularly on this blog, pursuing hobbies, fitness regimes, socials, cooking blah blah blah. And then it will be "us" time again and all these things will quickly go on the back burner.
It is pretty obvious that I value the "us" time more than the "me" time, as I willingly decide against or simply forget to do simple things like check my gmail frequently or write a travelogue entry.
Although, had we been staying together all the time, I would have had found a balance between these us, me, you, I times more naturally (at least that's what I hope). But now, these come and go in phases, half the time we end up getting so much "me" time (now whether we do anything productive out of it is another question altogether) that when we do get the "us" time going, we just shut other things out.
Having said that, my eternal balancing act tendency drives me to a very large extent to bring more of the mix of our own times with the times spent doing things separately, but yes its difficult.
"Us" time over, "me" time begins.
For the next 6 weeks, I will have a lot of time on hand to do things like writing regularly on this blog, pursuing hobbies, fitness regimes, socials, cooking blah blah blah. And then it will be "us" time again and all these things will quickly go on the back burner.
It is pretty obvious that I value the "us" time more than the "me" time, as I willingly decide against or simply forget to do simple things like check my gmail frequently or write a travelogue entry.
Although, had we been staying together all the time, I would have had found a balance between these us, me, you, I times more naturally (at least that's what I hope). But now, these come and go in phases, half the time we end up getting so much "me" time (now whether we do anything productive out of it is another question altogether) that when we do get the "us" time going, we just shut other things out.
Having said that, my eternal balancing act tendency drives me to a very large extent to bring more of the mix of our own times with the times spent doing things separately, but yes its difficult.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
No time for fear
Not getting any time to write here.
I feel like getting consumed by the fear of not being able to do anything, specifically for my presentation in ten days time, and also generally.
This fear is making me more and more unproductive.
Have to conquer it, sit down, make a list and do stuff I have been meaning to do for ages.
This time the fear factor is too strong though. Fear of under-achieving...
Finding it hard to calm down.
I feel like getting consumed by the fear of not being able to do anything, specifically for my presentation in ten days time, and also generally.
This fear is making me more and more unproductive.
Have to conquer it, sit down, make a list and do stuff I have been meaning to do for ages.
This time the fear factor is too strong though. Fear of under-achieving...
Finding it hard to calm down.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
New place, old plans
Off the blog for quite a few days now, mainly coz I am still settling down at my new place.
I still can't believe I shifted to Waterloo. Have been enjoying my first few days here. Work is 15 min away now, that too by bus!! I can actually think of walking to work on nice summer days, its probably just about a couple of kilometres.
Excited about Anu coming to this new house. He'll probably enjoy his stay much more now, although I know he was content at the last place as well. But this is going to be so much better anyway!
I have plans to roam about london (esp now that I live in the centre), get-together of a few friends, evenings out in soho and other places, n of course invites to all those events by Vish. Then of course our trip to Germany, which should be cosy (I hope there is snow there, I hope there is snow there, .....) .. And some more chilling out!!
Have been socialising as usual with the twenty something people, some of them I've begun to recognise and know well, which is very nice. Although if Anu had been here, I know I would have ended up going to the age no restriction meetings. It's because I personally don't feel threatened by older guys, though I know many can be absolute jerks.(And no, this is not because I am attracted to older guys, please....)
Anyway, I am enjoying my occassional evenings out well-spent with some really nice people.
I still can't believe I shifted to Waterloo. Have been enjoying my first few days here. Work is 15 min away now, that too by bus!! I can actually think of walking to work on nice summer days, its probably just about a couple of kilometres.
Excited about Anu coming to this new house. He'll probably enjoy his stay much more now, although I know he was content at the last place as well. But this is going to be so much better anyway!
I have plans to roam about london (esp now that I live in the centre), get-together of a few friends, evenings out in soho and other places, n of course invites to all those events by Vish. Then of course our trip to Germany, which should be cosy (I hope there is snow there, I hope there is snow there, .....) .. And some more chilling out!!
Have been socialising as usual with the twenty something people, some of them I've begun to recognise and know well, which is very nice. Although if Anu had been here, I know I would have ended up going to the age no restriction meetings. It's because I personally don't feel threatened by older guys, though I know many can be absolute jerks.(And no, this is not because I am attracted to older guys, please....)
Anyway, I am enjoying my occassional evenings out well-spent with some really nice people.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Where are the girls?
Where are the girls, why is the feminine gender so acutely missing right now from my life story?
Well my girl friends have been from place of work or place of study, and here there are no girls around my working area or in my project at all. It is such a sad situation since I feel really comfortable and close to a girl when she gets to become a friend.
I am meeting so many men socially that I feel deprived of women's company. I think the solution lies in finding a larger variety of things to do socially.
Where should I look for girls -
* Lesbian bars - entry barred for me I think, and who the hell wants to go there anyway
* speed dating - ya sure
* friend's friends - better idea, but all my dear male friends also seem to be on the same path of girl-lessness like me
* cookery classes - they take 200 quid for those, and i dont want to learn cooking, i should be teaching that (which of course those dumb-a**es would not let me), and i think nowadays i will find men in these as well anyway
* clubs - risky, i am usually to be found looking at the handsome bf on the dance floor, and the girl may just be vengeful
Running out of ideas, please suggest.
Well my girl friends have been from place of work or place of study, and here there are no girls around my working area or in my project at all. It is such a sad situation since I feel really comfortable and close to a girl when she gets to become a friend.
I am meeting so many men socially that I feel deprived of women's company. I think the solution lies in finding a larger variety of things to do socially.
Where should I look for girls -
* Lesbian bars - entry barred for me I think, and who the hell wants to go there anyway
* speed dating - ya sure
* friend's friends - better idea, but all my dear male friends also seem to be on the same path of girl-lessness like me
* cookery classes - they take 200 quid for those, and i dont want to learn cooking, i should be teaching that (which of course those dumb-a**es would not let me), and i think nowadays i will find men in these as well anyway
* clubs - risky, i am usually to be found looking at the handsome bf on the dance floor, and the girl may just be vengeful
Running out of ideas, please suggest.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Second Best
First the update, I should be shifting to Waterloo soon, right in ZONE UNO, and yes I am excited. :-)
Now on to the lament...
All the material things that come to me are the second best.
It is such a regular feature of my life, that it is scary and funny at the same time. Be it the choice of college, specialization, work project, house location, movie at the cinema or the dish that I order, I am usually denied my first choice by fate. Something or the other has to be wrong even in the best thing that comes my way, which leaves me in a "happy but could have been happier" state.
I should indeed be grateful that I get the second choice and not have to wait for the nth, but being the selfish prick I am, I don't always rejoice in this fact.
One concern that suddenly arises in my mind is that if I believe in the above too much, I might automatically start working less hard to get my first choice, knowing that I will eventually end up with the second choice anyway.
Now on to the lament...
All the material things that come to me are the second best.
It is such a regular feature of my life, that it is scary and funny at the same time. Be it the choice of college, specialization, work project, house location, movie at the cinema or the dish that I order, I am usually denied my first choice by fate. Something or the other has to be wrong even in the best thing that comes my way, which leaves me in a "happy but could have been happier" state.
I should indeed be grateful that I get the second choice and not have to wait for the nth, but being the selfish prick I am, I don't always rejoice in this fact.
One concern that suddenly arises in my mind is that if I believe in the above too much, I might automatically start working less hard to get my first choice, knowing that I will eventually end up with the second choice anyway.
Monday, February 04, 2008
The sun is shining, so please don't be mad at me...
Today is one of those days.
Everything went well and everything went right.
Visa granted, albeit some suspense on the duration that they have obliged to grant it for. All work at office went smoothly and lots was achieved. The insurers faxed my physician and even though he is on holiday, the other physician called to say she will take care of it, so I can keep my knee appointment with the specialist on Saturday intact. Feels nice.
Yesterday was quite mixed in contrast, more worse than better. You can't expect the rest of the evening to go very well, if the boyfriend decides to get angry at your 'uncaring' attitude! I was really shaken to hear that said about me, and was left trembling in my pyjamas. And of course, trying to ask for forgiveness and make him feel better somehow. Today also, he has slept without talking to me and something tells me all my efforts to make him feel better yesterday night did not work fully well. I hated to feel like that and I will hate it even more if I make him feel like that at all, without meaning it, so I sincerely hope things will be completely alright tomorrow.
I have full faith the Munich trip will be real fun :-)
We will escape all the summer tourists and have all those charming locations to ourselves with some nice nip in the air. I am already visualising what all we will do!
Everything went well and everything went right.
Visa granted, albeit some suspense on the duration that they have obliged to grant it for. All work at office went smoothly and lots was achieved. The insurers faxed my physician and even though he is on holiday, the other physician called to say she will take care of it, so I can keep my knee appointment with the specialist on Saturday intact. Feels nice.
Yesterday was quite mixed in contrast, more worse than better. You can't expect the rest of the evening to go very well, if the boyfriend decides to get angry at your 'uncaring' attitude! I was really shaken to hear that said about me, and was left trembling in my pyjamas. And of course, trying to ask for forgiveness and make him feel better somehow. Today also, he has slept without talking to me and something tells me all my efforts to make him feel better yesterday night did not work fully well. I hated to feel like that and I will hate it even more if I make him feel like that at all, without meaning it, so I sincerely hope things will be completely alright tomorrow.
I have full faith the Munich trip will be real fun :-)
We will escape all the summer tourists and have all those charming locations to ourselves with some nice nip in the air. I am already visualising what all we will do!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Yet another week ends
Saw the opera "Madam Butterfly" running for a limited edition at the London Coliseum. I have no idea how people shell out 70 quid for that! It was nothing but a pathetic Hindi film storyline that could be wrapped in 5 min, spread over 3 hours. It was visually spectacular and everything, and quite modern in presentation, but at the end I am glad I was paying only 10 quid, thanks to Manny arranging a staff rate. Overall, I liked the dramatic end, but the romance was nothing but a big yawn.
Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day before big day Monday, when I should get my schengen stamped! Finally, after 10 months of being in this country, it's a shame I hadn't got it done till now.
Pass by...
When the waking eyes are dreamless,
when the sunset came too soon,
you search inside for feelings,
you used them as festoon.
The calm inside is scary,
you like it being alone,
The calm inside is precious,
your heart and mind atone.
The days are passing by us,
the seasons flowing by,
we may or may not live our dreams,
we certainly bid goodbye.
Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day before big day Monday, when I should get my schengen stamped! Finally, after 10 months of being in this country, it's a shame I hadn't got it done till now.
Pass by...
When the waking eyes are dreamless,
when the sunset came too soon,
you search inside for feelings,
you used them as festoon.
The calm inside is scary,
you like it being alone,
The calm inside is precious,
your heart and mind atone.
The days are passing by us,
the seasons flowing by,
we may or may not live our dreams,
we certainly bid goodbye.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Time flies
Time goes by... so slowly
time goes by... so slowly... so slowly... so slowly
I disagree with Madonna Auntie. Time just flies!
Gotta do so much, not even time to update my blog with all that...
First things first, gotta talk to my knee and tell it to get up and running quick.
Going for my first opera in ages tomorrow!
Life's good, relatively.
time goes by... so slowly... so slowly... so slowly
I disagree with Madonna Auntie. Time just flies!
Gotta do so much, not even time to update my blog with all that...
First things first, gotta talk to my knee and tell it to get up and running quick.
Going for my first opera in ages tomorrow!
Life's good, relatively.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Failing to achieve
Got some new books today, about politics, meditation, science/psychoanalysis and german :-) No more Indian authors this time...
Kept talking to Anu for more than a couple of hours, and also at home and now its evening already!
Get this feeling I haven't "achieved" what I wanted to... which mainly was some sick work I have to do as part of the "knowledge-building" activities my company encourages us to participate in. Boring Bull-shit.
The knee still hurts. But told folks at home today that it is all fine now, esp since mom goes into this high-pitch lament of how I have gone so far away and that she is unable to help me and comfort me, and that it gives her loads of mental tension thinking about all this. So no more problems discussed from now on, no more mental tension.
Haven't been able to make my mind about shifting out scenario as well. Saw Manny's flat and its location is really quite good. 4 min walk from London eye and South bank! You can't ask for a better location really. Then why didnt I say yes to him, well for one the amount exceeds my maximum budget by 22% and super maximum budget by 12%. And I didnt fall in love with the apartment - no balcony/garden, super tiny kitchen smelling of sea-food. I am still confused, waiting for the best choice to make itself obvious to me miraculously.
The 2 glasses of tempranillo have worked like a charm.
Time to go - clean the room, "achieve".
Kept talking to Anu for more than a couple of hours, and also at home and now its evening already!
Get this feeling I haven't "achieved" what I wanted to... which mainly was some sick work I have to do as part of the "knowledge-building" activities my company encourages us to participate in. Boring Bull-shit.
The knee still hurts. But told folks at home today that it is all fine now, esp since mom goes into this high-pitch lament of how I have gone so far away and that she is unable to help me and comfort me, and that it gives her loads of mental tension thinking about all this. So no more problems discussed from now on, no more mental tension.
Haven't been able to make my mind about shifting out scenario as well. Saw Manny's flat and its location is really quite good. 4 min walk from London eye and South bank! You can't ask for a better location really. Then why didnt I say yes to him, well for one the amount exceeds my maximum budget by 22% and super maximum budget by 12%. And I didnt fall in love with the apartment - no balcony/garden, super tiny kitchen smelling of sea-food. I am still confused, waiting for the best choice to make itself obvious to me miraculously.
The 2 glasses of tempranillo have worked like a charm.
Time to go - clean the room, "achieve".
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