Sunday, May 14, 2006

Coming Out

It becomes easier after every time you do it. I didn't go through much more than an increased heartbeat, as I came out to a friend a couple of days ago. This, as compared to the palpitation and shivering that I went through the first time sitting in a cafe, was surprisingly easy.
But there is an undeniable indecision here as well. When you decide to come out to a close friend, you decide to share something that was hidden for so long, that you had begun to think that was the only way to live. There is a feeling of exposing yourself, you feel vulnerabe. There is a fear of losing a friendship because of inability to accept, when you could have not told and things could have gone smoothly as always. But then, the friendship can, and maybe should, get stronger after this. When you can talk about a very important aspect of your life to a dear friend or at least have the assurance that the friend will be there to talk and share your feelings/joys/griefs when you need it.
But this time, I also did it for another reason. I realised that a fear in my head told me that this path was a path of no return. If I tell everyone of my friends about me, they shall accept it, but what if I want to go back to the lifestyle and ideas I had always held...? Wouldn't that create a whole lot of unnecessary tension for them, and a whole lot of explaining for me to do?
That was when I decided to go ahead, stop being a coward, and do what I feel was the best thing for me and my friendship. If I continue doing what I am convinced is the best thing for me and my loved ones, nothing else should matter at any point in time.

6 comments:

RDD said...

Hmm... Kaun?? Bataya nahin??

rahul said...

well a good friend of mine. she was surprised for sure and needed explanation as to my previous 2 potential girlfriends :)
then wanted to be educated as to how guys know it and meet each other up!!
wanted to invite her to the party to settle some of her doubts

RDD said...

Well.. I dont know why we feel that we can open up to girls easier than guys.. Isnt that true? I mean.. I know for a fact that my sister will understand more than my dad or my bro if I get down to business..

rahul said...

Ya girls are inherently more sensitive and are also brought up to be more accepting.
She would probably have come to the party! And not have required any explaining thereafter!!

Tess said...

hmmm, are we now? :) Some day I'l certainly attend one of these famous parties of yours!

rahul said...

Provided I attend any of those! You better stay away from the ones in delhi, they are so not worth it...
And I'm glad you posted a comment on my blog:)