Bye bye Jan, already!

List of to-dos grows by the minute, as the clock strikes midnight, and another weekend has whizzed past. So I put other things aside, and its time to blog.
Went to this photography exhibition at whitechapel, containing loads of works by Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi photographers. It was really quite interesting and three hours well spent. V had recommended it earlier on, so I agreed to go along when a friend from Salsa asked if I was interested.
The three weeks when A will be here are already mostly planned and it feels better that way. Otherwise both of us end up being stuck at home and struggling to make last minute plans. There isnt a V-day plan yet, but the general agreement is to endorse the mass public hysteria surrounding valentines and join in the fun. If on the other hand, A wouldn't have been coming down, I would most certainly have dismissed the whole V-day hoopla as a media conspiracy.
As monday morning beckons, I'm quite set to take a bold decision to say no to the permanent role on offer. As is mostly the case, I fretted on it already, but not too much this time. I just decided to go calmly with what I had already decided - if the offer is below my minimum expectation, then I'll say no. And that's what I have to do!

Time - swirling whirling on!

Felt good after sending the I I email thanking for people's support, its amazing how people volunteer to generously donate to the cause... Also, A is going to continue facilitating the good work with other volunteers so that's great. It does feel inspiring to go and do the projects and I hope I will continue to be involved with I I in more than one ways.
Was laughing in the tube reading the book club book, and on one of Rita (the main character)'s comments, I laughed and laughed and just couldn't stop till I got out of the station. She is cool, Rita, and so is the book.
Looks like we'll plan a combined Maldives - SL holiday in Aug!! (fingers crossed)... That should be simply amazing... And there is talk of Istanbul on Easter, I need to ask Sho if that's actually on the cards.
Got a permanent offer from RBS, they seem really quite impressed so I'm very pleased with that. First feeling is I won't take it, but I'll do some Math on the weekend and see if it makes any sense for me to go perm now and reduce the paycheck.
The post 30 paunch is emerging and emerging, and I've immediately gone back to all my activities - dance, baddie, salsa - full throttle to help keep it tucked in! Next on cards, walking and walking around town whenever possible!
So much on.. can't keep up!

Swamped with to-dos

Late nights are coming back, but I don't want them to. There's just so much to do at this point in time. Apparently, day before yest was the most 'depressing' day of the year statistically. Wasn't for me (I mean I've had worse)!
Book club was good last night, great to see the usual group and the whole discussion about the White Tiger. It got 7.5 on 10 from me. I had actually almost forgotten about it and was planning to go to Interbank drinks instead. Anyway met two guys from the rainbow network for lunch yesterday too and it is finally good to have friends at work.

Things one should simply overlook

Anger. Went mad with rage today at an innocous email from A. Just the fact that he still does not understand that I don't have an appetite for his brand of humour, has left me feeling very helpless and still more angry.

Kept sitting in office working till after eight as I didn't feel like going home. It isn't as if I don't know that I shouldn't be getting angry over small silly things, and I did manage to smile at the intended humour and perhaps the childishness of it all when I tried looking at things from an outsider's perspective. But me being me, I never forget and never really forgive, even myself.

Chanting mantra now: Take things lightly.

On a good note, felt so happy in the morning when I got my luggage back finally after two weeks. Everything intact. Great.

Low (key) day

We spoke for 4 hours today, A and I. At one point, it felt as if I was at one of the low points in a series of low points in our relationship. But we are more mature now, and the low point is more easily forgotten. All this talk and no actual physical contact left me exhausted and drained. So nothing else major was done at all during the day, the weekend shopping and chores remained in the list of to-dos.
Watched Rachel getting married, and all the emotional drama churned out the emotions once again from within. Didn't cry bucket loads or anything, but was quietened by the movie and sat thinking about it for a while.
Also, ate a lot. A lot by my standards anyway. I've been eating loads lately, loads of a mix of healthy and unhealthy stuff. It's a kind of support, comfort food like chocolates and cheese and olives. Now the key is to start burning it as well before it starts showing irreparably. Thankfully, no midnight snacks for the past 2-3 days.

Watching halfway across the world

It just leaves one in a state of amazement how every once in a while, nature just wrecks such havoc on humans as was caused in the recent earthquake. It is shocking how human actions like terrorist attacks have killed scores or even hundreds in the past few decades. But it is nature which in one quick sweep, obliterates a lakh, two lakh, people and leaves behind suffering and anguish with no one but fate to blame.

Makes me realise my good fortune at the current moment of life and make the most of it.

Indisciplined as hell

I just don't like keeping my face under water! There must be a syndrome or something that describes this. I am 'quite good' swimming on my back, but i am totally terrible on my front. Anyway, I had a session all by myself with the instructor because no one else had signed up for that particular time. I don't like that instructor too much, he isn't too encouraging and kind-of gave up when I couldn't do the front crawl properly and just asked me to 'keep practising'. Well practise I will, I need to. I need to drag someone to the pool every weekend as well for my twice a week practise and build stamina and strength. Which by the way is my new year resolution in hindsight, strength and stamina. This will be done by a combination of diet, exercise and positive thinking and right attitude. There, sorted. And here I am writing this blog at 2 AM eating butter roll and a banana. Good start, innit?

Summing up the day

Got to write. Got to write.

Finally, got to write. My self-promised one to two hours of reading and writing everyday have not happened, quite like many other things that haven't happened due to laziness.

At least, there is the book club which enables a monthly read at least, there should perhaps be a writing club as well where posts from everyone's blog will be discussed. That way, my scribblings will become more regular.

Got cross tonight when I couldn't make it to badminton. The 5 min discussion with the boss at the last moment became a 40 min pseudo-interview. And I was left with a bitter taste, not just because I missed baddie YET again, but because the not-so-distant past came to haunt me. The permanent role on offer looks set to be not as rewarding monetarily as the contracting role, which wasn't entirely unexpected, though the main factor for irritation here is the fact that my salary at the previous permanent employer got dragged into the discussion. Now I could have been dishonest and bragged of a higher figure or imaginary extras but I did not. And the fact of the matter is that we 'offshore' hires were paid quite bloody peanuts when I moved to London. Now how much-so-ever I try and reason that my market value was at that time much higher than I was being paid, the bar has been set. And I was annoyed that I at that very moment did not clarify my minimum expectations today, and I am now waiting until tomorrow to do so. But the fact that I will take the risk of speaking out the sum-expected loudly and clearly tomorrow, meant that I felt much better quickly.

Then watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and loved it. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem were amazing, as was the whole plot and set-up. Was reminded of Barcelona and want to go back soon for a longer trip.