Expectations

Everyone has them, i do too. Not wet dreams... expectations. I sleep at night advising myself, sometimes even counselling, but mostly just patting softly on the shoulder when the tears refuse to dry up.

Isn't this just perfect! You have a lover. Someone, somewhere thinks about you most of the time. You should be able to avail the comforts of a "conventional" life, at the same time compartmentalizing your "true" love to another zone of your existence. It is perfect! It has been done before, tried and tested, by none other than your lover.

What future do you want to run after then? "Give me an instance where something like this might succeed". I can't, i don't know. Then why don't my expectations take cue, and die down a calm, unhurried death. Why do they rise, cavort unashamedly in the deep recesses of my thoughts, and never fail to surface when i least like their company.

The tumultous emotional phase that I am going through may appear most romantic to a love-lorn soul from the outside, and I am not particularly thankless either for the feelings that were yet unknown... for a longing unparalleled by any other yet. But simplicity in life is a bliss too, one must enjoy it while it lasts.

work-o-phobia

So it was an extended weekend... that wasn't enough to make me raring to work again. Laziness is also a virtue, i heard this somewhere, and now i tend to believe in it. Things are bugging me again...lets see, a list of deliverables, an aching throat, slight fever, a shaved groin, a dirty house, peak traffic bike ride, two phonecalls in three days. I don't know which of these is the worst, but they all are hell bent on bringing me down.

The weekend was good. Its so strange when you take a road trip to a place ideal for lovers, with a person who loves you, but whom you treat as a substitute, a void-filler... for the longing for love that does not, and worse.. cannot, cease to end. But thank goodness for a friend well found in time, the future is always for discovering.

Just too many things go on in my head concurrently, and is oh-so-hard to focus on the work at hand. I haven't been doing justice to my work but, inexplicably, things like these do not seem to matter any longer. Any dreams of making a huge success of my career based on my own mettle have long been laid to rest. However, there is no ruling out the amount of luck that mediocrity always seems to ride in this world, and provides me with ever so much hope.

A blog... some musings... thats all.

What prompted me to start writing a blog? My friends' blogs? Hmm.. no. I haven't got anything better to do?...well, maybe. But heart of hearts i know its because of that single comment i got some time back... "Amazing, you write so well!". Its strange how you, seemingly mature, self-confident, self-assured soul, can get ecstatic and childishly joyous by a simple comment from someone. That too knowing fully well that the comment was directed towards a piece of writing that was just above mediocre at best. But i guess thats how Love is.. when someone you love praises you, its a high like never before, and it gives one an extraordinary amount of self confidence.

Anyways i have no idea whether this blog of mine will acquire a theme, an audience or even whether i shall continue writing here for long. Maybe i'll put in some poetry... sometimes some of that stuff originates in my mind as well.