Motivate
Moti-weight
Mota-paet
And insanity creeps in...
Mota paet
sadak pe late
gaadi aayi
phat gaya paet...
lol
(I chanted this many a times as a kid but stopped when I became fat....)
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tough keeping motivated!
Discipline. The new keyword in Anu's and my life.
I just keep realising how undisciplined we both are. We both set our hearts on something and then don't do anything to achieve it.
I know there is inherently a problem trying to keep 'achieve'ing and never be satisfied enough. But then like I said, we have our heart set upon it, and so what we want to do is something that gives us happiness. It's just that we can't let ourself get motivated enough to fulfill that desire of ours.
Just watched 'Dasvidaniya'. Nice movie which got me thinking on similar lines. 'Ten things to do before I die'... Its probably not a bad idea to make such a list but then it has to be made as if we ARE going to die in three months; and then keep on doing them and replenishing the list. But we know we won't die, so we won't be motivated enough. Where is the 'danda' that has become the quintessential motivator?
I used to be, and still am, quite jealous of people who get motivated internally and not depend on deadlines, examinations, and submissions to motivate them.
Anyway, I'll try and keep creating a danda of some kind to keep me (us) going.
There is so much to do and I can't wait. But first things first, I am making a list. And boy, am I excited. Grin
I just keep realising how undisciplined we both are. We both set our hearts on something and then don't do anything to achieve it.
I know there is inherently a problem trying to keep 'achieve'ing and never be satisfied enough. But then like I said, we have our heart set upon it, and so what we want to do is something that gives us happiness. It's just that we can't let ourself get motivated enough to fulfill that desire of ours.
Just watched 'Dasvidaniya'. Nice movie which got me thinking on similar lines. 'Ten things to do before I die'... Its probably not a bad idea to make such a list but then it has to be made as if we ARE going to die in three months; and then keep on doing them and replenishing the list. But we know we won't die, so we won't be motivated enough. Where is the 'danda' that has become the quintessential motivator?
I used to be, and still am, quite jealous of people who get motivated internally and not depend on deadlines, examinations, and submissions to motivate them.
Anyway, I'll try and keep creating a danda of some kind to keep me (us) going.
There is so much to do and I can't wait. But first things first, I am making a list. And boy, am I excited. Grin
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dim Lights
She walked in her overcoat,
like a weasel in fox's disguise.
The early Monday evening was quiet,
softly bristling leaves cradling the pale yellow glow.
Memoryless, painless, joyless,
her calm causing her fright.
She wondered if this was the eye of the storm,
when everything had died?
but there was none to speak of,
no storm brewing, not even in the teacup.
Left or right, or straight ahead and dive,
she smiled at her silly choice.
Turning right, she sighed
at the familiarity of the scene,
at the desire to see something exciting.
Her wisdom killed her,
why couldn't she be unaware?
That desires were an illusion,
ends were just pastimes,
in this unreal mirage.
Sitting on the bench,
braving the cold breeze,
She asked herself some questions.
No existential dilemmas but some molly-coddling,
sweet, caring words,
Do you want anything darling?
What did you find out today?
Do you want to play?
She nodded and coo-ed to herself,
And gradually let herself be aware,
to the voices of people around her,
to the bells chiming in the distance.
Slowly she got up, turned back, and walked,
noticing the pink horizon for the first time that night.
like a weasel in fox's disguise.
The early Monday evening was quiet,
softly bristling leaves cradling the pale yellow glow.
Memoryless, painless, joyless,
her calm causing her fright.
She wondered if this was the eye of the storm,
when everything had died?
but there was none to speak of,
no storm brewing, not even in the teacup.
Left or right, or straight ahead and dive,
she smiled at her silly choice.
Turning right, she sighed
at the familiarity of the scene,
at the desire to see something exciting.
Her wisdom killed her,
why couldn't she be unaware?
That desires were an illusion,
ends were just pastimes,
in this unreal mirage.
Sitting on the bench,
braving the cold breeze,
She asked herself some questions.
No existential dilemmas but some molly-coddling,
sweet, caring words,
Do you want anything darling?
What did you find out today?
Do you want to play?
She nodded and coo-ed to herself,
And gradually let herself be aware,
to the voices of people around her,
to the bells chiming in the distance.
Slowly she got up, turned back, and walked,
noticing the pink horizon for the first time that night.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Quick one
Anu arrived today. It would be a nice few hectic days from now on..!
Not that they haven't been till now! In fact I have had no time for my planned reading. The noose is tightening with the HS deadline approaching as well, so I will have to burn some serious midnight oil sometime soon!
Disagreements surfaced straight away today. His choice of telly as opposed to mine. Why did we have to have choices poles apart! lol. Interesting times ahead sorting out the creases we create along the way...
Oops time to run to bed. He's dozing off on the edge and might nosedive straight onto the floor...
Not that they haven't been till now! In fact I have had no time for my planned reading. The noose is tightening with the HS deadline approaching as well, so I will have to burn some serious midnight oil sometime soon!
Disagreements surfaced straight away today. His choice of telly as opposed to mine. Why did we have to have choices poles apart! lol. Interesting times ahead sorting out the creases we create along the way...
Oops time to run to bed. He's dozing off on the edge and might nosedive straight onto the floor...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
100
Almost approaching the last quarter of this year.
Scary, dark, brooding... this quarter has been the saddest time of my life...
lol, I'm kidding. It's been lots of fun!
On the work front, I've started reading up and chosen a certification to give the career a boost.
Personally, have been having a great time with friends. What started brightly with the London Pride in the beginning of July has continued through theatre (Billy Elliot, Dorian Gray), clubbing, eating out, sports and lots of chatting away and laughter. Except for the rare moments of anxiety and sadness, it has been blemishless. Touchwood!
If only I could make this the same for Anu's last 3 months too. I can't believe the kind of pressure he's been working under and seeing so little returns till now. I'm sure things will only look up for us going ahead.
Soooooo looking forward to the Spain trip, fingers crossed, and already really looking forward to India trip too..
So ya lots happening at breakneck speed... soon the countdown to 30 will begin too. Not that that's a very big deal.
Hmm.. just realised this is my 100th post. What a tortoise! M must have written as many in the first four months or so, despite him starting a blog later than I did!
Scary, dark, brooding... this quarter has been the saddest time of my life...
lol, I'm kidding. It's been lots of fun!
On the work front, I've started reading up and chosen a certification to give the career a boost.
Personally, have been having a great time with friends. What started brightly with the London Pride in the beginning of July has continued through theatre (Billy Elliot, Dorian Gray), clubbing, eating out, sports and lots of chatting away and laughter. Except for the rare moments of anxiety and sadness, it has been blemishless. Touchwood!
If only I could make this the same for Anu's last 3 months too. I can't believe the kind of pressure he's been working under and seeing so little returns till now. I'm sure things will only look up for us going ahead.
Soooooo looking forward to the Spain trip, fingers crossed, and already really looking forward to India trip too..
So ya lots happening at breakneck speed... soon the countdown to 30 will begin too. Not that that's a very big deal.
Hmm.. just realised this is my 100th post. What a tortoise! M must have written as many in the first four months or so, despite him starting a blog later than I did!
Monday, September 08, 2008
Bollywood update
So is dope acceptable in film song lyrics now?
Our dear Farhan Akhtar croons in 'Rock On' that he lost 'Mary jane ka ek packet' and there is no hue and cry about bringing dope into mainstream? Or is there?
I remember there was quite a lot of caste hungama over the Aaje Nachle song, with Madhuri losing her jhumka and saying 'bole mochi bhi khud ko sunaar hai'.. which to me at least appeared to be a fuss over nothing.
Is this difference because of failure to understand urban slang by a majority of the population?
Anyway, recently did a statistical survey of the biggest bollywood box office hits of each year across the decades. (yes I tend to do these things especially when I need to study.. a habit acquired in high school)
I think its a good statistic to establish the actors/actresses with the most clout in the minds of the junta. If an actor/actress delivers a few No.1 consistently, then he/she has to be the most successful of that era. No.2s don't matter much in this world. This gets validated when u see that eightees are choc-a-block with Amitabh hits. So as per my survey the most popular actors / actresses of all time are-
1. Amitabh
2. Dilip Kumar
3. Shahrukh Khan
4. Dev Anand
5. Raj Kapoor
Honourable mentions to Manoj Kumar / Rajesh Khanna. Hrithik is slowly climbing up the ladder as well.
The actresses list is def more difficult.
1. Hema Malini
2. Vyjanthimala
3. Nargis
4. Madhuri Dixit
These four are pretty much clear
5. Either Mala Sinha, Meena Kumari, Rekha or Sridevi
Apparently, Amisha Patel has two of the biggest hits of this decade in her kitty (Gadar and Kaho Na Pyar Hai...).. poor babe, why is she such a flop then??
Our dear Farhan Akhtar croons in 'Rock On' that he lost 'Mary jane ka ek packet' and there is no hue and cry about bringing dope into mainstream? Or is there?
I remember there was quite a lot of caste hungama over the Aaje Nachle song, with Madhuri losing her jhumka and saying 'bole mochi bhi khud ko sunaar hai'.. which to me at least appeared to be a fuss over nothing.
Is this difference because of failure to understand urban slang by a majority of the population?
Anyway, recently did a statistical survey of the biggest bollywood box office hits of each year across the decades. (yes I tend to do these things especially when I need to study.. a habit acquired in high school)
I think its a good statistic to establish the actors/actresses with the most clout in the minds of the junta. If an actor/actress delivers a few No.1 consistently, then he/she has to be the most successful of that era. No.2s don't matter much in this world. This gets validated when u see that eightees are choc-a-block with Amitabh hits. So as per my survey the most popular actors / actresses of all time are-
1. Amitabh
2. Dilip Kumar
3. Shahrukh Khan
4. Dev Anand
5. Raj Kapoor
Honourable mentions to Manoj Kumar / Rajesh Khanna. Hrithik is slowly climbing up the ladder as well.
The actresses list is def more difficult.
1. Hema Malini
2. Vyjanthimala
3. Nargis
4. Madhuri Dixit
These four are pretty much clear
5. Either Mala Sinha, Meena Kumari, Rekha or Sridevi
Apparently, Amisha Patel has two of the biggest hits of this decade in her kitty (Gadar and Kaho Na Pyar Hai...).. poor babe, why is she such a flop then??
My Sweet Little Heart
"dil ki yahi khata hai,
dil ko nahi pata hai,
yeh dil chahta hai kya...!"
My poor little sweet heart. What is it that you want? Why are you so influencable?
There is never a direct answer when I ask you anything.
You want everything like a greedy child. You feel competitive, bored, jealous, determined, romantic and cheerful, all in span of five minutes! You exhaust me!
But you're a good one, you keep bringing a smile on my face for silly innocuous things.
You keep changing too. You're not the same like you were ten years ago, but you're not necessarily more complicated.
And you've never been, and are still not, in my control.
Sigh. Smile.
dil ko nahi pata hai,
yeh dil chahta hai kya...!"
My poor little sweet heart. What is it that you want? Why are you so influencable?
There is never a direct answer when I ask you anything.
You want everything like a greedy child. You feel competitive, bored, jealous, determined, romantic and cheerful, all in span of five minutes! You exhaust me!
But you're a good one, you keep bringing a smile on my face for silly innocuous things.
You keep changing too. You're not the same like you were ten years ago, but you're not necessarily more complicated.
And you've never been, and are still not, in my control.
Sigh. Smile.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Despair
Its a maze,
dull and blurry
vision clouded in haze.
The rust, the rut, the ravine,
these gaps are cuts
knived through the heart.
Silent, heavy eyes,
a churning inside,
familiar numbness.
All is but a lack
of innocence,
of courage,
of hope.
All is but a mirage,
Thirsty I'll die one day.
dull and blurry
vision clouded in haze.
The rust, the rut, the ravine,
these gaps are cuts
knived through the heart.
Silent, heavy eyes,
a churning inside,
familiar numbness.
All is but a lack
of innocence,
of courage,
of hope.
All is but a mirage,
Thirsty I'll die one day.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Carnival
A long weekend passed. A relatively low key one but for today, as today was the visit to the grand carnival.
The mood was great, there were so many young people out on the streets enjoying themselves dancing away to great music everywhere. It was fun. However there was a immense dearth of guys, scantilly dressed guys to be precise, in the carnival parade. The women were all there, jumping up and down with their big breasts all over the place. Its a serious menace this with the London girls, they are just too fat, esp the black ones living on a staple diet of Burger King / McD / KFC.
We watched the parade for a while, and had beer and so-called Caribbean food (both ridiculously over-priced). I jumped around for a bit, until this great big realisation dawned on me that we are getting a bit old already for dancing around on samba beats all day, and that too amongst a sea of people (wherever you looked there were just hoards and hoards of people!). Still we stuck around for quite a while until we absorbed the atmosphere completely (my nose is clogged cos of that now) and then dragged our tired asses back to home sweet home.
The mood was great, there were so many young people out on the streets enjoying themselves dancing away to great music everywhere. It was fun. However there was a immense dearth of guys, scantilly dressed guys to be precise, in the carnival parade. The women were all there, jumping up and down with their big breasts all over the place. Its a serious menace this with the London girls, they are just too fat, esp the black ones living on a staple diet of Burger King / McD / KFC.
We watched the parade for a while, and had beer and so-called Caribbean food (both ridiculously over-priced). I jumped around for a bit, until this great big realisation dawned on me that we are getting a bit old already for dancing around on samba beats all day, and that too amongst a sea of people (wherever you looked there were just hoards and hoards of people!). Still we stuck around for quite a while until we absorbed the atmosphere completely (my nose is clogged cos of that now) and then dragged our tired asses back to home sweet home.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
My Friends
Laughed so hard last night that my jaws ached. After a long time.
It was great of Vish and Co to come surprise me at 1AM, literally all 4 of them jumping on my bed, with poor little me already fast asleep and just starting to dream sinister dreams.
I think we were in splits last year Dec at Shiz's place in Bombay, the night I arrived there, with all his jhatka-filled dancing on Aaja Nachle.
Brings back memories when I had been laughing madly with friends. It is really quite rare, so I think I can actually count a few occurances.
With my MBA friends in London last year (2 straight guys and me in a single bed :P) and laughing away basically at one of theirs' weird views on girls and marriage. Some of Anu's comments once in a while (can't pinpoint which was the last one, but he hs great timing sometimes). Manki's one-liners in Bangalore party, something about 'How homosexual!' .. lol.. he has super timing too.
Oh, laughing again just thinking about those things. Thank god for my friends! Love them.
It was great of Vish and Co to come surprise me at 1AM, literally all 4 of them jumping on my bed, with poor little me already fast asleep and just starting to dream sinister dreams.
I think we were in splits last year Dec at Shiz's place in Bombay, the night I arrived there, with all his jhatka-filled dancing on Aaja Nachle.
Brings back memories when I had been laughing madly with friends. It is really quite rare, so I think I can actually count a few occurances.
With my MBA friends in London last year (2 straight guys and me in a single bed :P) and laughing away basically at one of theirs' weird views on girls and marriage. Some of Anu's comments once in a while (can't pinpoint which was the last one, but he hs great timing sometimes). Manki's one-liners in Bangalore party, something about 'How homosexual!' .. lol.. he has super timing too.
Oh, laughing again just thinking about those things. Thank god for my friends! Love them.
The net
If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your blog.
:)
:)
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Truth - the way to go?
Lots going on as usual.
My friends asked me the reason behind the pessimism on the blog. Well I do write more in a pessimistic state of mind, and when I'm happy and excited I just sing and dance and don't write about it.
Had a detailed think-over about 'Truth' the other day.
Is Truth over-rated? As the comic book superhero said on Monday, sometimes people do not need the truth, they need hope.
Does that apply to our loved ones as well then? Is it sometimes better to lie (or hide the truth) rather than causing anguish and disturbance?
It probably boils down to the individual. We cannot change the world, we can just change ourselves. And hope that our actions produce the desired affect on the external world as well.
So if we do decide to take the plunge and bring about the desired change of speaking the truth ourselves, we know it will give us a definite feeling of satisfaction and freedom to breathe easy. But the very next moment, are we ready to face the reaction of the external world to it? The one we cannot control, and hence fear? Most of the times we know that that reaction is something we will not be able to handle. That reaction is going to cause us anguish, will bring us to our knees, will wipe away that momentary feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Mind you, it may or may not happen, but most of us do not dare to take that chance.
So where does this leave the idealist? The Devdas? Who doesn't accept the power of the almighty external world and move on to assimilate in it, who doesn't see the gray and only wants to see the black and white, who doesn't live a lie with fond memories of the truth. It leads him to cynicism or despair or both.
One silver line came about: One must be totally truthful to oneself and comfortable with it, and if that's the case, should not bother if one cannot be totally truthful to others around him. But what if, one is truthful to himself, but doesnt like the truth? It creates a conflict between what he ideally wants to be / want to do and what the actual truth is? Doesn't that cause disillusionment? Ideals don't exist anymore. Anything can happen in this world. There is nothing to trust if one cannot trust oneself.
Trust God? It is tough to have faith in God when you see that even His path is not giving the wisdom and calm to its followers that it should, at least not evidently. Does that not lead your mind astray to the extent that there is nothing in it but confusion, and an acute deadly desire to go numb? Sometimes it feels to makes little sense to look towards the Spiritual path, but I guess there is no other way to go.
My friends asked me the reason behind the pessimism on the blog. Well I do write more in a pessimistic state of mind, and when I'm happy and excited I just sing and dance and don't write about it.
Had a detailed think-over about 'Truth' the other day.
Is Truth over-rated? As the comic book superhero said on Monday, sometimes people do not need the truth, they need hope.
Does that apply to our loved ones as well then? Is it sometimes better to lie (or hide the truth) rather than causing anguish and disturbance?
It probably boils down to the individual. We cannot change the world, we can just change ourselves. And hope that our actions produce the desired affect on the external world as well.
So if we do decide to take the plunge and bring about the desired change of speaking the truth ourselves, we know it will give us a definite feeling of satisfaction and freedom to breathe easy. But the very next moment, are we ready to face the reaction of the external world to it? The one we cannot control, and hence fear? Most of the times we know that that reaction is something we will not be able to handle. That reaction is going to cause us anguish, will bring us to our knees, will wipe away that momentary feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Mind you, it may or may not happen, but most of us do not dare to take that chance.
So where does this leave the idealist? The Devdas? Who doesn't accept the power of the almighty external world and move on to assimilate in it, who doesn't see the gray and only wants to see the black and white, who doesn't live a lie with fond memories of the truth. It leads him to cynicism or despair or both.
One silver line came about: One must be totally truthful to oneself and comfortable with it, and if that's the case, should not bother if one cannot be totally truthful to others around him. But what if, one is truthful to himself, but doesnt like the truth? It creates a conflict between what he ideally wants to be / want to do and what the actual truth is? Doesn't that cause disillusionment? Ideals don't exist anymore. Anything can happen in this world. There is nothing to trust if one cannot trust oneself.
Trust God? It is tough to have faith in God when you see that even His path is not giving the wisdom and calm to its followers that it should, at least not evidently. Does that not lead your mind astray to the extent that there is nothing in it but confusion, and an acute deadly desire to go numb? Sometimes it feels to makes little sense to look towards the Spiritual path, but I guess there is no other way to go.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Party!
Went to G.A.Y after ages yesterday and was reminded how much I love pop. The place is no great shakes but I usually like the crowd, and the music.
Now, off to Brighton for the Buzz.
Not sure if looking forward to it (as usual), its a cold damp morning after all. But a funny clip posted on facebook by S has just got me in the mood to party all day (and night!)
Last year's memories include the bright hot sunny day, the heart in the air made by a flying jet over the sea front, colourful feathered dancers (of course!), the huge bear gathering in the tents in the park (where Anu took his top off.. lol), all the couples dancing in another tent and finally the nudist beach... where we both.. err... took the plunge.
All this is hard to match, except for the feathered dancers who are def gonna be there, unless it pours!
And so here it goes... Party, party, party..tonight.
Now, off to Brighton for the Buzz.
Not sure if looking forward to it (as usual), its a cold damp morning after all. But a funny clip posted on facebook by S has just got me in the mood to party all day (and night!)
Last year's memories include the bright hot sunny day, the heart in the air made by a flying jet over the sea front, colourful feathered dancers (of course!), the huge bear gathering in the tents in the park (where Anu took his top off.. lol), all the couples dancing in another tent and finally the nudist beach... where we both.. err... took the plunge.
All this is hard to match, except for the feathered dancers who are def gonna be there, unless it pours!
And so here it goes... Party, party, party..tonight.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Late-night timepass
Naa kuch kehne ko hai,
Ik thakaan sii.
Raat beeti ja rahi hai, khaali makaan sii.
Mareez baney ja rahe hain gam-e-bewajah,
khudgarzi ne kar dee hai soch hairaan sii.
'kaash...',
sab maslon kee wajah ye lafz hee hai shayad.
'shayad...',
iss lafz ne toh jeena mushkil kar diya hai.
ruk nahi sakte,
dukhte pair chale chalte hain.
manzil jo baithi hai saamne, pukaarti huyi,
qatl kar dee hai uski aarzoo khule-aam sii.
Ik thakaan sii.
Raat beeti ja rahi hai, khaali makaan sii.
Mareez baney ja rahe hain gam-e-bewajah,
khudgarzi ne kar dee hai soch hairaan sii.
'kaash...',
sab maslon kee wajah ye lafz hee hai shayad.
'shayad...',
iss lafz ne toh jeena mushkil kar diya hai.
ruk nahi sakte,
dukhte pair chale chalte hain.
manzil jo baithi hai saamne, pukaarti huyi,
qatl kar dee hai uski aarzoo khule-aam sii.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Unrest to rest
It's amazing how an hour or two of outdoor therapy can relax the mind. Anu and I went to St.Katharine's docks by the Tower Bridge after dinner, and roamed around in the peaceful, serene area for a while. Sat quietly on a bench by the water, with tens of boats silently anchored in the water softly shimmering under lights, its gentle lapping audible and only sporadically interrupted by the sound of laughter or merry conversation somewhere in one of the nearby restaurants.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
I wondered how different our view of London would be from an Indian who would come here, say in the late 1800s. Anu said it wouldn't be too different, only all the sights would be even more startling, as in those times there were no pictures in magazines and images on television to help prepare what to expect in a foreign land.
I believe there would have been more to it than just this. There would have been more terror, more fascination and a sharper alienating feeling.
The conversation shifted to him lamenting how tough it is to find such peace and quiet in Delhi, without the blaring of horns, loudspeakers or the general public and their children. It is true that this place is not aggressive as compared to Delhi. Hectic yes, mad-paced, fast, but not so aggressive. But that's because there is less anger here, and people are not competing with each other to survive. It is not the fault of that country or its people, it's just how it has shaped up through history, and in more ways than one, the unrest there has paid for the peace here.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Purpose
Such mixed, varied state of emotions. I can't understand things any longer. Actually I understand everything and nothing at the same time.
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
There is no 'purpose' to life. That is fine. The only way to realise anything is to realise that there is no purpose.
There is a will to live. To survive first, then live, then be happy if there is time and resources.
I've changed so much. I was a kid with a purpose. I was a good kid with a purpose. Obedient, intelligent and very understanding. I was adventurous and comfortable left alone. Very intuitive yet very methodical. Not creative. Actually, nothing has changed. Only there is no 'purpose' strong enough. And that has gone mostly with waning of parental influence.
My heart tingles with excitement in dark quiet alleys, it has always done, even as a kid. Every morning and evening, I love walking by and gazing at the river, as if its something new. Even as people whizz by not noticing or caring if they were crossing a bridge with silver water, gulls and pretty boats, or crossing an underground tunnel. I look at the vast sky, golden orange tinge of the setting sun behind the clouds and want to jump up and over the farthest cloud. It remains as fuckin pretty as ever.
Thought to myself today - "Life is short, but nothing needs to be done about it"
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Simply complicated
Got drunk for the second time in my entire life at Kali this Friday. Last time was 4 years ago in the beginning of second year at mba. Thankfully had friends around this time as well to rescue me. But this is something that I am not going to repeat ever, it isn't half as fun when you get silly on the dance floor and then next morning try hard to remember half the things that happened the previous night. A big complications hazard!
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Was reminded of the movie 'Sunday' with the poor girl not able to remember what happened to her the entire night and the following day. (Good concept, badly directed movie though)
On the topic of movies, saw XXY on thursday night. Its an Argentinian movie about a 15 year old hermaphrodite who struggles to come to terms with her/his sexual identity, and the dilemma of her parents. Quite a heavy movie, set in Uruguay. Liked it a lot, and not just for the fact that it, in a way, gave a reassuring feeling that our lives are so much simple as compared to so many others in the world.
Which brings me to my self-quote of the day, which I told myself first thing in the morning today - "Thinking is dangerous". It causes migraine and digestive disorders and erectile dysfunction, which by themselves are as irritating a complication as any.
Monday, June 16, 2008
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