Everything

Why can't I be everything?

The shapes conjured, and floating, in the inner sphere.

Darkness and light, everything but slight.

A vast aspiration,

riches, sensations - surfaces, layers, from one to the other.

Desires beyond survival.., and survival beyond desires?

Thriving adult dwells on the question of the moment.

Tiresome, I realise. A feeling of loss.

Why can't I be everything? I was, in that moment.

 

Shut down?

I should post to Twitter, what with all these random thoughts.

Dream what?

As a part of an "active listening aspect of providing feedback" exercise at work today, I was asked to describe my dream home to a colleague while she had to listen "effectively". Everyone else around us in the group were doing the same. As I started describing this I decided that my dream home and my dream holiday should mean the same thing. Things that I therefore included in this description were- a tropical island with the a reef and blue lagoons, a spacious bungalow with lots of sunshine, lovely cool breeze and quiet. Absolutely no clutter, rather a minimalistic sensual design. I added the possibility of a private runway to jet off to the nearest metropolis for some precious city time (being the city boy that I am). I then of course mentioned the quintessential requirement of a domestic help, or few. My colleague offered a stylish Jacuzzi and an entertainment theatre, which I gladly accepted. It was also firmly agreed that all this would be rendered dreamlike only in the presence of family or a partner.
But can a dream house and dream holiday be the same? Well of course they can. For me anyway.

My favourite movies of 2012

I'm back after a three year hiatus! And I'm starting with my (painstakingly put together) yearly top 10 of movies I watched at the cinema this year.

10. Shame
This wouldn't have made it into my top ten but for the closing sequence (in the rain) and Michael Fassbender's performance. Otherwise it was just a story of the sex addict guy and the suicidal bipolar girl next door, nothing out of the ordinary. Watched January.

9. The Best Exotic Marigold hotel
Everything was good about this movie except Dev Patel. All the other performances (especially Judi Dench's) were superlative and the movie was very funny in parts. There were some unnecessarily long emotional stretches, but overall perfect feel good factor.
Watched February.

8. Kahaani
Very well put together story. I wasn't able to guess the ending (which is rare) and the screenplay and background score were great.
Watched March.

7. Rust and Bone
London gets some really good French films at the cinema, and this was one.
There were a couple of amazing shots (one with Marion Cotillard and an orca, and another shot from under a frozen lake). Again great performances, good story, and beautiful cinematography.
Watched December.

6. The Hobbit
I tried, but how could I not love this?
The music, the beautiful scenes of Rivendale, great action sequences and the macho Dwarf prince all assembled with masterful precision. The sequences where all the known stalwarts from the LOTR series interact are mouth watering. And Andy Serkis as Gollum is the crowning glory.
Watched December.

5. Gangs of Wasseypur
Here's where Bollywood cinema became extraordinary this year. All attempts by the director to make the movie epic were fruitful. I wasn't a fan of all the violence but it was stylised well. Music was interesting to say the least, and all the seemingly unnecessary bits (the flirt sequence at the wedding comes to mind) ended up fitting well in the overall package.
Watched June

4. War Horse
The sucker for sweeping drama that I am, this Spielberg saga found its way right into my heart and towards the top of my list. This was big budget cinematography at its best. The scenes both at the war trenches and the English countryside were equally awe inspiring and beautiful. Even though painfully cheesy on a few occasions, I ended up loving it thoroughly.
Watched January

3. Avengers Assemble
A part of me keeps wanting to push this to no.1 justified by the fact that I watched it three times at the cinema and can easily do it again. It had so much going on, and the best part was that all the superheroes got great parts and the story wasn't sacrificed to any hollywood star's popularity factor. My firm favourites were Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk and Scarlet Johansson as Black Widow. Plus the movie was damn funny.
Watched April, May, July

2. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Girl power! Rooney Mara kicked life into the main character like no one else could have. I do not even like the story that much but I have to say the direction, the sensual and mysterious outdoor winter shots and Mara's "performance of the year" blew me away.
Watched January

1. Delicacy
Now this is unexpected as this French romance drama didn't even receive very great reviews from the critics. Which is disappointing as I think it was simply and massively underrated. The male lead was extremely loveable. There was an ample yet subtle use of light and sound to make simple shots outstanding. It was spiritual and genuine. It was a relief from CGI, and also from soppy good-looking man meets-hates-fights-dances-cries-kisses good-looking babe "romantic comedy with a heart" fantasy flicks. Audrey Tatou was a treat as usual. Wonderful stuff.
Watched April

So that's my top ten. I think I didn't go to the cinema often enough in Sep/Oct so may have missed some good candidates.
But others that made it nail bitingly close to my top ten were
- The Raid: this Indonesian drama is stylised violence at its absolute, almost operatic best. Great background score.
Watched May.
- Life of Pi: stunningly beautiful, and spiritual. Liked it better than the book.
Watched December.
- English Vinglish: Simple and nice and achieving a lot through just that. Sridevi was great.
Watched October.
- Dark Knight rises: only putting it here as it breaks my heart not to be able to include Batman in my top ten. It has all the right ingredients but the film just didn't do it for me.
Watched July.

Also liked: Breaking Dawn part 2, Perks of being a Wallflower, and the Sapphires.

And now, bring on 2013!
Oh can't believe I've already watched one this year, and its only the 1st today!

Calendar filling

Have nothing to do at work after a long time in recent memory. And that's only since I'm stuck; as other people haven't finished their deliverables which I'm dependent on.
Have been planning away the rest of the coming months. Something or the other happening so much so that the weekends seem booked till Easter already. There is a sharp volatility in moods and emotions as usual, as they oscillate between enthusiastic for all that's planned and to be looked forward to, to anxious, and sometimes downright cynical, about just filling in the diary without life carrying any real meaning at all.
Will try and find some gulaal today for Holi next weekend, so that at least a little Holi celebration can occur in true style. Otherwise it's almost quite easy to actually miss the big festivals out here altogether, especially in central London away from any sort of family or community celebrations.
Booked Istanbul tickets for next month, so def look forward to some pleasant weather and ogling at hot Turks, which hopefully Sho and I will do together gleefully.
So much to do, so little time. Ok better get my ass out off the office for the day. Leaving before 5, now that's got to be a record!

Bye bye Jan, already!

List of to-dos grows by the minute, as the clock strikes midnight, and another weekend has whizzed past. So I put other things aside, and its time to blog.
Went to this photography exhibition at whitechapel, containing loads of works by Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi photographers. It was really quite interesting and three hours well spent. V had recommended it earlier on, so I agreed to go along when a friend from Salsa asked if I was interested.
The three weeks when A will be here are already mostly planned and it feels better that way. Otherwise both of us end up being stuck at home and struggling to make last minute plans. There isnt a V-day plan yet, but the general agreement is to endorse the mass public hysteria surrounding valentines and join in the fun. If on the other hand, A wouldn't have been coming down, I would most certainly have dismissed the whole V-day hoopla as a media conspiracy.
As monday morning beckons, I'm quite set to take a bold decision to say no to the permanent role on offer. As is mostly the case, I fretted on it already, but not too much this time. I just decided to go calmly with what I had already decided - if the offer is below my minimum expectation, then I'll say no. And that's what I have to do!

Time - swirling whirling on!

Felt good after sending the I I email thanking for people's support, its amazing how people volunteer to generously donate to the cause... Also, A is going to continue facilitating the good work with other volunteers so that's great. It does feel inspiring to go and do the projects and I hope I will continue to be involved with I I in more than one ways.
Was laughing in the tube reading the book club book, and on one of Rita (the main character)'s comments, I laughed and laughed and just couldn't stop till I got out of the station. She is cool, Rita, and so is the book.
Looks like we'll plan a combined Maldives - SL holiday in Aug!! (fingers crossed)... That should be simply amazing... And there is talk of Istanbul on Easter, I need to ask Sho if that's actually on the cards.
Got a permanent offer from RBS, they seem really quite impressed so I'm very pleased with that. First feeling is I won't take it, but I'll do some Math on the weekend and see if it makes any sense for me to go perm now and reduce the paycheck.
The post 30 paunch is emerging and emerging, and I've immediately gone back to all my activities - dance, baddie, salsa - full throttle to help keep it tucked in! Next on cards, walking and walking around town whenever possible!
So much on.. can't keep up!